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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello.My name is Robert I'm 15 years old and I have a problem.I live in Spain and 4 months ago my father got chucked into prison. This is absoloutely terrible for me.I have a great relationship with my dad and now I can only see him once a month. My mother cries every night which doesn't help me. I have just started year 11 which is a crucial year and I find this experience is going to crash down on me.I feel extremely depressed and I don't know what to do.Please someone help me!Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2005): Man, that is rough. I feel for you Robert. Pues, si hay qu'hablar con alguien sobre cualquier cosa qu'estas pensando. El consejo de visitar a un counselor es perfecta como idea- y no solo una vez pero para tantas veces que necesitas. No podemos permitir que los sentimientos d'estres se quedan a dentro verdad? Well, I wish you the best and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2005): Hello Robert,
I am sorry about your father, and really hope all works out well. Bev made some good points for you to listen to. The only thing I can add is during this rough time turn to God. For he will send you comfort and make the days fly by until you and your dad can be together again.
God won't make us bear any more than we can. Sometimes its hard, but with faith we get through. Turn to God and trust in him to bring you and your Parents through this.
Take care of your mother. Hold to each other and trust in God. You will both will make it through this.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 September 2005):
 Hi Robert,
I'm sorry that you have to go through this right now. It's going to be a difficult year for you, so you'll have to resolve to be strong and determined, in order to get through it.
The first thing you need to do is to find someone to talk with about the way that your home life has changed and the way it makes you feel. Enquire at your school if there's a counsellor you can see. Don't forget that - even if other students don't have exactly your experience - everyone in Year 11 experiences major stresses and upheavals. The school administration expect this and will have people they can recommend to you, who understand the pressure you're under.
A counselling session usually just consists of you and a casually-dressed counsellor together in a quiet place, giving you an opportunity to talk about the things that bother you, and to get suggestions of ways to deal with them. (A bit like this website, but more personal and direct!)
Please don't dismiss this idea too soon, without trying it. When I was younger I thought counselling was a stupid idea, but finally desperation drove me to visit a counsellor and I was pleased and surprised at how much better I felt, just talking about my troubles.
Once you've addressed your own pressures, you'll be in a much better position to support your mum, who obviously is not coping well. Although no one expects you to carry her load too, she won't feel quite so awful as she might now, if she knows that you're doing all right.
In order to keep in touch with your dad during his incarceration, please investigate whether you're permitted to write letters to him. I think there's an extremely good chance that you will be, as most prisons want their inmates to be as happy as possible, given their circumstances. Your dad would most likely be thrilled to anticipate a letter from you on a regular basis, too. It will be something he can read and reread when he's bored (which will be often).
You can do that by ringing the office phone number of the prison he's in and asking about their policy... Or maybe your mum would be able to get the details for you.
Lastly, remember that this situation won't last forever. Even though it seems difficult, you can get through this, and eventually Year 11 will be over. You and your mum will gradually get used to the way your circumstances are right now. You will be surprised at how strong you can be when you have to be.
I wish you well.
Bev
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