A
female
age
30-35,
*orcy
writes:Hi Dear Cupid,I seem to be having quite an issue with my boyfriend. He is the nicest guy in the world, super caring, nice, smart, going to school to become a doctor. My problem is i don't know how to feel about him. He suffers from depression, and sever mental illness runs in his family STRONGLY. his mother has tried to kill herself on several occasions. another thing, he still lives at home, has never had a job, and is really .. air headed? Everything about him seems to get on my nerves, the way he talks, the way he acts, almost everything about him. We have been dating almost one year, and i am not sure if this is a phase or something else. We have talked about future plans and children and just everyday life stuff, i used? to be madly in love with him, but I don't feel it anymore and I'm so lost. I don't want to break up with him but i don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything. I'm not sure if me breaking up with him would lead him to a worse depression. I know it's taking a toll on me and I don't know what to do. I am so lost and need some advice on how to handle this or just what to do. - Ash
View related questions:
depressed, lives at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eda5645  +, writes (23 June 2012):
Honey,what you need to do is sit with him for a couple of minutes and tell each other your feelings! Do not worry! Trust me, a boy would appreciate you if you tell him the truth so do the right thing for yourself Honey!!!
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 He has Depression. At some point 25% of all people in the world are likely to have something similar at some time in their lives.
Even Doctors can get depressed.
It is one of the most normal things in the world for people to get depression and it is treatable.
If your boyfriend is not already in contact with befrienders.org then suggest that your boyfriend make use of this wonderful organisation. They have very good counsellors who can help your boyfriend, especially through a rocky period.
How can he be studying to be a Doctor and be an airhead? If he is studying to be a Doctor then he is intelligent and he is still studying towards a worthwhile job. And still studying so his lack of a job is understandable.
Is he getting regular Medical support for his Depression? Is he taking any medication that the Doctor has prescribed and says he needs?
If he is not being treated by a Doctor regularly and not taking his prescribed medication then encourage him (gently but persistently and kindly) to see his Doctor as a matter of urgency.
That is the only kind thing you can do.
You are not responsible for his medical condition and he needs to get the support he needs now.
If being his friend and supporting him is too much for you then your first responsibility is to you.
Even if the family has medical issues you are not responsible for that situation.
You are concerned for your boyfriend's health. If he is not taking his medication and not seeing his Doctor then offer to attend the Doctor with him.
I can see why you feel constrained about breaking up with him while he is so depressed.
But if his depression is that bad that you fear negative consequences for him then this is all the more reason why he needs to be under better medical care NOW.
Ultimately you do have to protect your own health. It may be that you need to gently work towards a break up.
I can tell that you are a kind person. So therefore I can tell that you will ensure that the break is achieved gradually, once you know that he is getting the best medical care to get his Depression under better control. And seeing a therapist for as long as he needs to get things on a better footing.
You do not need to stay with someone only because you are afraid of the consequences for them if you were to leave. That is not a relationship. It may be that this relationship has run its course and you are aware of that fact but he has not realized that fact.
You are quite correct. It will take a toll on you and your health too if you stay in a relationship that no longer gives you satisfaction.
I think you need a third party, such as a counsellor or your Doctor to help support you in what is likely to be a difficult break up, considering that you feel great compassion towards your boyfriend.
You may even want to let his Doctor know that there may be problems if you break up, so that the Doctor can make a decision on what other strategies could be put in place to support your boyfriend.
But staying is not an option if you are are becoming weary with the burden of a relationship that is not what you want.
...............................
|
