A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all... I've been dating this guy for almost 2 years now and like all relationships we've had our ups and downs but right now my main issue is his 5 year old daughter, not her in general but how she acts towards me, I mean I love as if she were my own and I've never treated her differently from my other daughters in any way shape or form period, but she never listens to me, always talks back, and is just all around disrespectful to me and my daughters which by the way are 2 and 7 months old. When me and her father met, my oldest was 4 months old and then I ended up getting pregnant again by my fiance making my girls 16 months apart, so they are all practically sisters, but my fiance's daughter acts like we're not apart her life and she doesn't want us around, except when it comes to the baby because that's "her" sister, and what makes this whole situation harder to deal with or resolve is the fact that we are currently living apart, so she just gets so excited when I go home on Sundays..Her mother ran out on them when she was 11 months old and she's only seen her 2 maybe 3 times since she left and she constantly makes it a point to tell me that her daddy is gonna go back to her mom and that I need to leave them alone even though they haven't seen or talked to her so called mother in about 6 months... Everyone keeps telling me that it's just jealousy but I think that it's more than that so please give me some advice, what should I do?? HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): I would say be patient with her. She probably wants her mum and dad to get back together and is having a hard time accepting things as they are. She may also be trying to push you away in case you leave too. A lot of children assume that one parent left because of them and something they did wrong, and it will take time for her to realise that you love her, and trust that you won't leave. My son was like this to my husband for a long time, he used to say I hate you, go away, we don't need you etc. My husband stuck it out and now they are inseperable. My son wants to be just like him, buys the same clothes and is always after one on one time with him. It sounds like you are doing everything right with her, treating her like your own, and making sure that she has quality time on her own with her dad. Would she come with you on your own to do something she really enjoys? Or maybe help you cook some cakes for her dad whilst he is at work. Anything to make her see you as a fun person who will make her happy rather then someone who is trying to replace her mum. My husband started taking my son bowling and stuff and that seemed to make my son realise that it was more fun when he was in our family, then without him. That he actually has the attention of two people, rather then feeling that he would et less from me. And after a while asked if he would be his dad, which we never thought would happen. She will eventually come round. Just stick with it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): you shouldnt read too much into this when i was a kid i always resented my stepfather my case was a little different cause he was physically abusive but kids are like that always hopefull the world will change to comfort them just try to be there for her when she gets older she will see the difference a wise man once said"being a child is wanting to change the universe;being an adult is wanting to change the things you can"good luck
-michael
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