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age
26-29,
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writes: hey guys, just need some advice. so, me and my boyfriend have been going out for some time now, and earlier this year in january we decided we wanted to tell our families. so we did. er1ryone accepted it. but there's just one person who didnt and still doesnt accept it. my dad. he told me that i'm too young! which is kinda true, but thats not all. he hates my boyfriend for somereason. i tried to talk to my dad, but he wont listen, and it just doesnt feel right withoug him accepting it. me and my dad were always close before, but i dont wanna dump my boyfriend. any help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey, TaylorSwift1fan, i was just looking at your agony aunt column, and u give awesome advice! ur right i'll just wait. i'm a huge fan of taylor swift too, btw. anyway, thanks for answering, i really appreciate the fact that you actually wanted to help. thank u sooo much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): just wait. your dad will come around. a simular situation happened with my sister. gradually, my father started to accept her relationship. hes just protecting you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 February 2014):
 Ah, so there are a lot of resentments and anger clouding the family. If you are not getting along with your father and his wife, why are you surprised this didn't go smoothly?
If you want to be treated as an adult, you are going to have to learn to deal with these things as an adult. Hiding a relationship for 3 years from your family is not the action of a mature person.
If your family is dysfunctional due to divorce and smoldering resentments, then you have decide if you are joining in the general dysfunction or if you are going to learn to cope with it by not playing into the unhealthy dynamics.
If your boyfriend is a good guy, your Dad will eventually come around. It's just going to take some time. Things like hurt feelings don't heal instantly, as you yourself just expressed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question tisha-1. i get wut ur saying, i should have told him earlier, but its easier said then done. besides, my mother, my younger sister, my two older brothers and my gran have agreed, i didnt tell them. besides, he didnt tell me about his new wife until they got married. he didnt even tell my mum either. still, i accepted that new woman, who by the way, hates me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 February 2014):
You hid your boyfriend from your family for 3 years? No wonder you Dad is having some trouble swallowing this situation. You've basically lied to him for 3 years! He has to adjust that you are not the daughter he thought he had, and that he was so out of touch with you that he didn't realize you were deceiving him and your family.
That must have been a pretty big blow to him. How sad that you didn't tell him earlier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe're both sixteen. but we're not those people who start drugs and all that rubbish. we just like to be with each other. he's talked about marriage twice. he doesnt pressure me for anything, and it was him who actually wanted to meet my fcmily. we didnt tell them straight away, 'cos we were 13 when we got together, and we were sure we'd be forced to break up, and we just couldn't afford that. i remember, once when he had a bad dream he called me at 3 o'clock in the morning crying, 'cos the bad dream was about my family not accepting us. it made me cry too. basically, we're like romeo and juliet, but it's only my dad who doesnt accept us, and our families are not enemies. he is a great student at school. gets the highest marks in everything. a lot of guys hate him, but girls like him, but he wont go near one of them. i remember one of my friends tried it on with him, i was waiting to surprise him 'cos it was his birthday. she was trying to kiss him, but he stepped away, and held her away from him with his hand. i heard him say, "shes my girl." well, he said my name not she. but u get the point. he was so respectful when he came to meet my father. he treated him like a king. he even said, "ur daughter's a princess, and now i see why. ur the king." i thought my father would be fine with it 'cos he smiled. but when he went home, he told me he didnt aprove.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 February 2014):
I expect your Dad doesn't trust your boyfriend, seeing as you two hid your relationship from everyone for a while. Was there any reason you couldn't bring your boyfriend home and introduce him as your boyfriend right away?
Your Dad doesn't know your boyfriend, you've sprung him on your Dad and it will take some time for him to get to know your boyfriend.
Think of it this way, give him as much time to get used to the idea as the time you hid the relationship from the people who love you and who are responsible for your well-being. You hid it for a year? Then it may take a year. You hid it for 6 months? Then expect it will take 6 months for your Dad to come around.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 February 2014):
 C. Grant is absolutely right. It's *because* you and your dad are close, and no matter how evolved or sexually open-minded we become, dads don't want some guy prowling around his daughter and treating her badly or after just getting laid. They don't want guys getting her pregnant or drinking and using drugs or corrupting her. Give your dad time, and like C. Grant put it so eloquently, if your boyfriend's intentions are honorable and he treats you like gold, your dad will come around because he loves you.
Your dad will always see you as his little girl, and one day he will walk you down the aisle and barely contain his tears and his pride and love for you. In the meantime, woe to any punk kid who thinks he can get into your pants, and until he gets to know your guy, that's what all dads think at first.
Just give it time! If your boyfriend is a good one who isn't corrupting you with drugs or using you for sex, your dad will come to accept someone who treats you like he thinks you're worthy to be treated. Your dad will always be the first man in your life, and his protectiveness of you is indicative of his love for you. Give him time, and in the meantime, make sure your choices in guys reflect the high standards your dad was an example of.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (5 February 2014):
 Give it time.
My daughter was 14 when she fell for a guy two years older. I had a huge problem with it. Over time I discovered that he was a real quality guy. My first hint was when a huge bouquet of roses showed up for their six-month anniversary. He always treated her like a princess, which for any father is the least a guy should be doing for his daughter. ;)
If your boyfriend treats you like gold your Dad will come around.
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