A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I work 4 days during the week. My husband doesn't work. We have a 10 month old baby. When I get home from work, my husband passes the baby to me and goes to lay down. And this is after I've worked in a restaurant with no air conditioning, or I've just cleaned someone's house for 5 hours. We have to live with my in laws because of our financial situation, which isn't really a problem, except when I'm at work all day, my husband give the baby to his mom and then goes to sleep, or plays some computer video game. I wake up with the baby in the morning, I put him to bed. I bathe him, feed him, and do most of the entertaining. I take him with me for errands. My husband won't give him any solid food other than food he can put in his own mouth, so when I come home I have to drop everything and feed the baby. And he expects me to keep a clean house and cook dinner. When he has to clean anything, he flips out, starts throwing stuff around, yells at me for being a bad wife, etc. And if there's no dinner or I didn't bring him anything home, he makes me feel guilty. He said his way of providing for us is he gave us a roof over our heads. This is his parent's house, so he feels like he's contributing some way. He calls me at work all day whining about the baby. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so freaking TIRED, but when I tell him that, he says I'm lying, because I get more sleep than him. I wake up at 8 every morning, he wakes up around noon. But he stays up most of the night. Every time I bring this up with him, how I feel about his laziness and attitude, he always turns it around and tries to make me the bad guy. Any advice?
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 Have you talked to his parents about this? Clearly you need some help and he keeps dropping his end of the log. You need a sympathetic chat with them. You also need to have in mind what you want. If they are unhelpful then perhaps you need to make different arrangements as a single mum.He will be suffering the male ego thing. He is supposed to be the provider but living in his parents house isn't really enough is it. He may not be a natural child minder. Not all men are. However he is pretty much the same person you chose in the first place. Perhaps he does what he can. The thing is, if he had a job what would you do? Would you still need to work? Would you stay at home and mind the baby? Would you need a break from child minding? I don't think he is blameless by any means but I do understand that in some cultures role reversal like this goes heavily against the grain.
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