| A
age
36-40,
*
writes: My b/f and I have been dating for almost a year now. We live together and have been for the past 8 months. Aside from our differences and quarrals things are great! Of course we need time apart; and I've told him he can go out, but every single time he does he lies about something. From whether or not he is coming home to where he is going. I often times have to find out on Facebook where he really is from his posts. Is it that difficult to tell me what his plans are? To be completely honest instead of lying about little things; leading to me getting upset. What should I do?
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Obviously hte question/concern isn't clear. I don't care what he does or how much he goes out, but every single time he goes there is always an issue. Not coming home til the next day when he is supposed to bring the kids to school in the morning or not even telling me he is coming home at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Let me just add, that seeing as you live together he should show consideration for your feelings. If he says he'll be home at 1 and can't then he should send you a message letting you know what he's up to and how late he will be.
If he doesn't do this kind of thing then, talk to him about it. You want him to enjoy his freedom but you don't want to be sitting at home worried about him either because he's an hour later than he said he'd be.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Nothing from what you said says to me he's lying. It's not lying to say you'll be home at 12 get drunk and change your mind and come home at 1. Plans change, he's out with his friends, maybe he thought they were going somewhere and they changed their minds etc. This is perfectly normal for a guys night out. We don't really plan like women do and stick to an itinerary, we just meet up, go with the flow.
You're too interested in the little details of his nights out, he obviously doesn't think that far ahead and is open to other suggestions when he's out. He doesn't sound like a planner or a person that sticks to a rigid plan for going out.
Why do you need to know his plans anyway? You'll hear what happened and where they went the next day when you talk to him.
It sounds to me like you have a need to know what he's doing in order to ease your own insecurities. I have to say though, if he's not a planner or changes his mind like the breeze or he and his friends have a tendency to just float around, then until you can get to grips with it. You'll just be stuck with this illogical need to know every detail of everything he is going to do on that night out and you'll just continue to get upset.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010):
I am in the same situation i posted about the same story a couple of days ago, but reasoning for mine is that he isn't pleasant when he is with his mates, and in the past he has treated. By the sounds of your story there is a lack of trust between you both. You need to talk to him, and tell him how you feel if any thing he needs to know how this is making you feel and how you think its affecting your relationship. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): I am in the same situation i posted about the same story a couple of days ago, but reasoning for mine is that he isn't pleasant when he is with his mates, and in the past he has treated. By the sounds of your story there is a lack of trust between you both. You need to talk to him, and tell him how you feel if any thing he needs to know how this is making you feel and how you think its affecting your relationship. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, philippa  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 Confront him about it .Try cummunication,if he gets mad about it and keeps on lying to you still refusing to tell the truth about the situation ,then leave him .If he is lying it is probably because he has something to hide and he is not ready for a serious relasonship (or he is scared of a serious relasonship and don't know how to haddle it ).
A way or another ,don't go coocoo over a nuckle head .Life is short ,that is just my oppinion based from my own experience :)
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 August 2010):
 I can never understand a person wanting to go out so much while having domestic responsibilities. Not telling you about his plans is about breaking free. He's still like a child separating from his mother. He has to look at you as an equal, that you have needs too and you appreciate honesty. The most important thing is that he lets you know he wants to be with you for the rest of your life, and not because moving in is what everybody does, a natural consequence of any relationship progressing to this point. If you have not talked about long term plans maybe it's time. Then you could see how serious he is. When you share living space with a person, you sacrifice personal freedom in order to gain a life long companion. If you quarrel about what he does, it only gives him more incentive to break free from you. Basically a general advice to people would be if you don't think about long term relationships, don't live with that person. You shouldn't have to lie in a close relationship. Don't argue with him. Just simply tell him you are not comfortable with his lifestyle. If he doesn't do anything to assuage your pain that would say a lot about this relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Celby  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 Maybe in his past relationship he could not be honest and he could not be open.
Maybe you being cool with him going out is totally new to him and hopefully soon he will realise he can be open with you and you won't be upset.
...............................
A
female
reader, shelley305  +, writes (7 August 2010):
I think you should have a proper sit down with your boyfriend, and get to the bottom of this issue. Dont let him walk all over you, ask him why he is doing the things he does. If he seems nervous then I would question him more and ask him what his goals are for your relationship. Guys are lying because they are hyding something, and do not wish to share something. Find out the reason behind him not telling you where hes going or what hes upto. If you think the relationship is worth working out do what you have to do until something proves you other wise. good luck.
...............................
|
