| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, I'll try and keep it to the point! I'm 25 and my problem is this - every single man that I meet that I may have a thing with leaves me before anything can happen! It's so frustrating! I'm not needy, everyone says I'm attractive, funny and laidback. I find it easy to get on with men, and generally have a lot of male mates. My mum and friends say it's luck, but I've been single for a while now and even potential dates who seem really keen tend to back off. One guy I dated in work recently, we went out a few times, were ridiculously compatible, everyone else saw us as a couple too, we used to text and laugh about nothing, completely closed of after about two months saying he couldn't commit, which hurt. Others might even just ask me out for a drink, I'll agree, and then I'll never hear off them again, and it leaves me bewildered. They're rejecting me before we've even been out, why??!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2013): Thanks for the feedback. I know that I can be the complete opposite of needy, my friends all say that I am too laid back and expect them to do the chasing so would that really put every guy off?!! Honestly, I know you don't know me but I'd like to think that my breath is fresh, my laugh is normal and I'm definitely not a racist!! I'm also afraid of rejection especially since guys who seem really keen do change and avoid me. It hurts my feelings as I usually get on with all of them and I always give them space, and never project big fantasies on them. It's so frustrating! I'm so fed up of hearing how awesome I am and still being let down!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2013): Usually when you have a string of guys backing out on you; it's just the odds playing against you. You may come across as a little eager, and many guys are commitment-phobic.
Most guys can sense when a woman is looking for something longer-term. Mind your conversation. Don't talk too much into the future using "us;" and do not tell any guy what type of guy you're looking for.
Do not tell him stories of previous dates that didn't work out. Then they'll think you're some sort of psycho-bitch. Don't text too much. Guys really don't like texting as much as women.
Too much texting is like you're begging for attention, or keeping tabs on him. He gets tired of trying to be witty and keep up with an endless thread of how are ya's and whatcha doing's.
Give him a chance to miss you. If it takes a couple of days, he will get back to you.
It doesn't mean he's not interested. He has something better to do than text; or he's tired of it. Let him miss you between in-person meetings. He'll stick around longer.
Some guys are impatient. If sex isn't on the table for the first date, they lose interest. You benefit from their own self-elimination. The kick themselves to the curb.
If you love jeans and slacks, let him see you in a skirt once in awhile. I stole that one from my neighbor. She was hiding a great pair of legs; until her mom told her wear a skirt. Sounds sexist; but guys like girls in skirts.
Often, we don't notice our own body-language and how we may project to people.
Heterosexual men don't like discussing marriage or your life-story on the first date. They feel uncomfortable hearing how much of jerk your last date was. He fears you'll say the same about him if he pisses you off.
Never fish for compliments. Allow them to come freely. Take them graciously, and thank him. Never say you don't feel pretty enough. NEVER!!!
Don't complain about any part of your body!!! You love yourself...don't say that out loud. Actions speak louder than words. Never put yourself down in the presence of other people. You are beautiful, until proven otherwise.
If you have a close girlfriend, sit down and ask her what she sees in you that could be changed. You have to be tough and take the criticism in a positive way. There are quirks we have that our friends and loved-ones simply ignore; because they see it as a part of our personality. Quirks are forgiven, once you know a person better.
It may be a turn-off to a date, or someone who doesn't know you well.
Don't drink too much on a first, second, or third date; if you're lucky enough to get that far. Alcohol lowers the inhibitions and brings out behavior that isn't always flattering.
I remember one of my straight friends describing one of his recent dates he met through a well-known dating service.
The lady was very attractive, intelligent, a great cook,
athletic, and an entrepreneur. They dated for about a month.
He took her out west on a ski-trip. They had wine with dinner, and she had a few. She was shrill, sarcastic, and he said she did a 360 on him. It was like a whole different person.
It happened again when he had her over to cook dinner for him. She had a couple of drinks, and the monster came out.
They were dancing and she kneed him in the groin as a joke!!! He couldn't believe she thought it was funny.
She didn't seem to realize it. They aren't dating anymore.
Try to keep your conversations with a new guy light, funny,
and alluring. Don't discuss your pets too much, don't gossip, and don't dominate the conversation. These are usually deal-breakers for the flighty types.
Hope I've been of some help.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (7 July 2013):
This is a question that nobody here can possibly answer in a way that will be satisfactory to you.
Have you really thought about how you act before this happens? Is there a pattern? I would have guessed you were needy or something similar but I'll take your word for it that you're not. Maybe you're too eager?
Bad breath? Annoying laugh? Are you a racist?
There's too many possibilities here. My guess is that if you're not talking about too many guys, that it really is bad luck.
I'd suggest being more proactive in the future. Don't be afraid to ask a guy out; don't obligate them to chase you. Many guys are terrified of rejection so they never progress beyond flirting.
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