A
male
age
30-35,
*omance dud
writes:dear cupid, i am a complete and utter failure at every attemp of relationship i shoot for. whether that is a geunine relationship, fling, one night stand, or any thing not mentioned i crash and burn like the hindenburg and titanics bastard love child. i dont even know what my issue is. its not an appearance thing- ive been told by many women (and men too :( ) that i am good looking. i am also called very funny, offbeat but funny. im also a nice guy (this quite often lands me in the friend zone). my longest relationship was less than 3 months... and that was 4 years ago. i really dont get it. i try, then i dont try, then i just 'be myself' and the results never change- FAIL. should i just give up and begin collect guns and cars and scotch to drink on my porch while i grow into an old miserable bastard who shoot kids with bb guns for running on his lawn, or is there hope?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Of cause there‘s hope. There is always hope without resorting to shooting kids off your lawn .Ha! You made me laugh. Not that it’s a laughing matter.You only fail if you stop trying. Has it ever occurred that you have not yet found the right person ...the one? If you don’t put yourself out there, you will never know. Opportunities will pass you by and that just; plain well sucks. Enjoy your so called “failures” even if they last one day, look at it differently. Ask yourself what you learnt from the encounter, what you liked and didn’t like. Each encounter teaches you something about yourself. Right now all you are seeing are the negative things .You are the only obstacle standing in your way because you thinking all wrong.Be patient, enjoy your encounters and laugh at yourself. Live for the moments, don’t worry about tomorrow.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 First to make a relationship work long term requires two people...it is not just you.
However, there are two things that I would recommend:
1-Choose girls not just on how she looks, but how she treats you. You might just be choosing the wrong girls to date.
2-If you keep ending up as a friend, then you are not addressing a woman's emotional needs. This is why you end up as her friend, not her lover.
For the second one, the rule is very simple. Never let any woman you date feel like, or become your mother. That's it. Halt the mothering instinct at every turn. "Stop mothering me!" are the three sexiest words a man can say.
I have a lot of experience in this, and I would suggest you learn to address a woman's emotional needs. Here is a list to start with.
As they are discussed in the book Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A Test. A Woman will Feel she is either his mother, or his lover, depending if these emotional needs are addressed or violated, respectively:
* 1. Protection of her most valuable asset: Her Reputation
* 2. She needs to experience a Range of Emotions
* 3. Cater to the Little Girl in Her
* 4. He must show Dominance, taking 100% responsibility for the sex
* 5. Fear of Abandonment
* 6. Trust him to be honest, even if it makes her mad
* 7. Her physical protection and safety
* 8. Can he handle her sexuality (whatever it may be)
* 9. Does he have sought after High Quality Sperm
* 10. Prove he is not a closet homosexual
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 There is always hope and you are still young.
You are a special and wonderful person and the one you are meant to be with is no less special and wondewrful. She will be unique and rare. You may not find her until you are in your later twenties or early thirties.
If God (or a higher power that you believe in) came to you and promised you will meet the person you are meant to meet in ten years, and you would be so incredibly happy that the time you were without her would be worth the wait, what would you do with your life until then?
I can promise that if you pursue other passions in the meantime, you will meet her and you will be harder for her to avoid falling in love with.
;-)
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A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 There is always hope. If I was in your position (which I was), then I would just give up actively trying. The best thing to do I have found is to let girls come to me. If you're a college kid, awesome. Girls are all over the place in college.
Keep your eyes open, see if any have noticed you, check for body language, anything that may hint that they like you. An important thing to do is to talk to girls too. It always helps to learn more about them, and if you get close to them even better. Relationships can and do form out of friendships quite often, and it's better for the couple when it does if you ask me.
Don't lose hope because there are sooo many women out there looking for guys. Just stay cool, and learn the game and above all else, have patience.
-Hero
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