A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 11 months now. Currently we're on a long distance relationship because of his job, which requires him to be away for 3 or 4 months, but I get to see him once every two weeks though. Things have been going really well, we're really serious with each other until one day I found while he was away he had transferred credit (top up credit for phone) to this girl whom he had a fling with last year (before I was with him). The fling sizzled out and they ended up as just friends. I got mad about the credit transer (although it wasn't like, a huge amount, but still) and asked him about it and he said it was her birthday, so he greeted her and then she didn't reply so he checked and found out she had no credit and so topped her credit up. The girl replied, "Why did you do that?" But he didn't reply and just went to sleep. That's what he said. Plus, I asked him how did he know it was her birthday and he just said "I know" and I asked "You remembered??" and he was silent for a second and then said "So?". I was quiet after that. It made me feel really insecure and so I carried a sort of grudge. Then a few days later, he saw a picture of me wearing a sleeveless (he REALLY doesn't like me wearing clothes that expose me that way) and during our chat (online) he confronted me about it. I fired back by saying "Well maybe I wouldn't have worn it if you didn't greet her birthday" and he was pissed because I brought up that topic again. Then we fought and in the end he acted really cold and said "NEVER push me. This is what you get for bringing up things, our talk is over, i've had enough". I apologised, and I even asked "Can I hug you?" (and gave him a hugging emoticon) and I said "you don't have to hug me back" and he didnt =( I said "I miss you" but he didn't seem to listen, and in the end he went off for work. I was so worried about our fight and confused over his sudden coldness over this small issue, and that he's never reacted this way when we fight or leave it just like that without saying I love you. I had this terrible stomach ache and vomited non stop that I had to go to the emergency. I guess you could say I was really stressed. Then the next day, Sunday, he wasn't online and I waited for him online until midnight because it was our anniversary on Monday. But he had work from midnight til 4am and I fell sleeping waiting. After work he came online but I was already asleep and just said "Happy anniversary" and went off. On the day of our anniversary, I emailed him to share my feelings about us and apologised again, sincerely, and even told him about me being sick on Sunday. I was hoping the email would touch his heart and hope that he won't still be dragging about the fight. I waited for him until night and when he finally came online he acted really cold. I asked him if he read the email I sent to him, and he just said yes. Nothing else. Not even to show that he cared about my health and didn't even ask how I am. I understand that he might still be mad about it, but he's never dragged things like this this long. Maybe it's his stressful job - his job is really stressful and I understand. So in that email I told him I'll give him space and whenever he feels like talking to me, I'll be here. Then his internet connection went bad and he disconnected and didn't go online for the rest of the day =( That's how our 11 month anniversary ended. He didn't even put "Happy Anniversary" in his nick like he always did during our past anniversaries. So I planned not to bother him and wait until he finds me. So the next day, when phone reception was available, I asked him how he's doing and if I can talk with him, but a few hours later he just replied sorry that he can't and that it's too expensive and he'll call me next time there's phone reception. It's true about the expensive thing though, but he didn't have to be SO cold about it =( I'm confused. I did everything and apologised to him. If I was cheating on him or lying to him I'd understand why he'd do this. But I was only being a little insecure and this punishment from his is more than I can take =(That's not the end yet though, then after his text I didn't reply him because I was hurt, and thought maybe he needed more space. But later that night he texted me and asking me what I was up to and that he bought me something (which surprised me), but still with no I love yous or I miss yous - he was still acting cold. But his actions confuse me. He still cares about me but he doesn't say the sweet stuff anymore. I replied him and was happy that at least he texted me even though he's still cold. Then the next few days I avoided going online because I wanted to give him space, but with much difficulty because I was missing him so terribly and I keep wondering whether he's missing me or not..it's driving me crazy. Then a few days ago while I was out with my friends he called me up and asked why I'm not online anymore, and I said I thought you were the one who's not online anymore (which is really what I thought too, aside from giving him space). The phone connection was bad, and when I asked him if he still loves me I couldn't really hear him. He asked my whereabouts, who I was with and what I was doing - I was glad he still cares for me. But we got cut off, and when I went home I went online and there he was. We chatted like normal, he was a bit chattier and even joked and asked me questions about what's going on in my life and how I was, but still he's not the same...he doesn't even say that he misses me or anything. I guess he's just not in the mood to do that yet. Then he said he's going to bed, and I sort of panicked and asked him if I can hear those words from him (i.e. "I love you"). And he answered, "I thought you were giving me space". I was shocked and hurt..and disappointed. That was unexpected and I cried, for the millionth time since our fight. I just said "okay" and then he said "Don't push me. Don't force me. You know you'll make it worse if you do." And I just said "I'm not." And we said night2 and then before he went I said "Wait", he said "Yeah?", then I said "How long...", and then, he went offline. =( Sigh. I don't know what's going on and I don't know why he thinks I'm pushing him. Does he still loves me? =( Please, I need some advice. Thank you.
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anniversary, I love you, in the mood, insecure, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Hi Dear
My thinking is that ( as harshly as I will sound). He wanted to break up with you but did not have a better way of doing it. To me it sounds like he is just trying to manipulate you while he is in the wrong
A
female
reader, anni23 +, writes (3 December 2007):
Hey,
You poor thing it sounds like you've been on a bit of a emotional roller coaster. I think that if someone isn't hiding something then there is no need to get defensive. There is no excuse for the way he has been treating you. You dont deserve that at all. He obviously has some issues to deal with maybe there it is something to do with this girl. He really needs to be honest about his feelings and tell you whats going on. Because its not fair for him to brush you of like that.
My advice would be too try and talk to him and get him to be honest about his feelings and he needs to realise that he cannot treat you in that way. If things dont get better it could be time to move on. You deserve to be happy and treated with love. I really hope this has been of some help.
Good luck and all the best
xx
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 I feel as if you just need to gve him what he is asking you. Give him the time that he needs. Of course he still loves you. Every relationship has a problem and there will be times that we question ourselves if the love is still there but dont doubt the love sweetie. The both of you will get through this.
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