A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online and he seemed pretty respectable in how he approached me. We swapped pictures. I showed him my full profile front and side etc. He was happy with the pictures. Anyway, the way he messaged me was friendly and respectable. Basically out of all the guys I've known - he had manners and was thoughful.. we went on a date and it went ok. My cues from him riding on what he thought of me was that:A. he said he was nervous, B. a lot of eye contact C. he walked me to my station before going to his. Basically he acted like a gentleman. At the moment, I've not heard from him in a while but he made out he was interested but doesn't seem like I'm top priority at the moment. If guys don't find a girl attractive on the first date, they make a decision to not contact her right? Not lead her on in any way right? I meam for a nice guy lol as he seemed, would he not thibk "i think this girl likes me, its best i don't lead her on". Even after some time i texted him casually and he replied back in a friendly way. If he weren't interested - why not just make something up to throw me off like "hey listen, I'm not into a relationship right now or I'm still into my ex or i want to give it another go with her". Why not just spare someone from the wonder and tell them?Anyway, my question to guys is from those three actions he's displayed - did he like me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (12 March 2015):
 He doesn't want to date you again. If he did, he'd be in contact with you asking you out again. He finds it easier to just not contact you rather than say he doesn't want to date you again.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2015):
 I absolutely agree with WiseOwlE
It has NOTHING to do with your level of attractiveness. This is NOT about how you look. This is not about YOU not being good enough, pretty enough or whatever enough.
My guess is he has SEVERAL ladies lined up for dating. Seeing more than one girl at a time till he decides whom he "likes" best.
If he doesn't SEEM to put FORTH any effort to see you again, MOVE on immediately - no point in wasting your time waiting on HIM to make a choice. Snooze - you lose, HIS loss.
Next time you talk to another guy send him ONE photo, don't "model" for him, y giving him this and that angle... HE can see you in person if he is curious.
I'd DEFINITELY let this one go, no matter how polite and well mannered he SEEMED.
I think it's VERY common for people who date online to just DROP the contact and move on, to not INFORM the other person that hey, I don't see us being an item. It's faster and easier. Not exactly polite or nice, but VERY common.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): Please feel free to seek male-opinion and points of view.
You don't need our validation. You're better than that.
It has nothing to do with your attractiveness. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and if you hang your self-esteem on a stranger's opinion, you will go out of your mind very very soon.
The problem with online-dating is that people know they have a lot of options, and they're open to a wide selection in the online dating pool. They are sometimes seeing more than a person at a time.
The point of meeting, is to see if there is a chemistry or deep connection. You may instantly click, and then you may not. You have to be mentally fit for rejection. Nothing is set in stone just because the date when well. You really don't know this guy.
You can't fault yourself if you don't get an enthusiastic response; or some guy doesn't appreciate the catch that you are. Like most people out there dating these days; some have very high to unrealistic expectations. They have preconceived criteria and qualifications programmed into their brains that most people don't meet. Many online dating subscribers have got some prototype of a perfect match with qualities and traits etched in their skulls that nobody on the planet will live up to.
Unlike a car, you can't order people with all the special options and equipment you dream of. Some fantasy options maybe be missing; or the options preferred just may be more than you can really handle. Just like everybody who qualifies for a driver's license can't drive a Ferrari. It just may be too much to handle, even if it is your dream car.
Just because a guy realizes his options are open and he doesn't see all the bells and whistles he prefers on the first date; you can't just brush people off like lint. Unfortunately, it happens. People are very self-entitled and undignified, if not outright crude. Don't expect them to tell you what it is you don't measure up to. You shouldn't lower yourself to seeking validation from people you don't even know. What goes around comes around, the same will happen to him.
The irony is, the very people demanding unmatchable qualities, don't deserve the kind of people that they're looking for. There are players out there who'll psyche you out to see how needy you are; and once they figure you out, they swoop-in for the kill. So don't be so easily defeated.
Beware! People set high-standards; while they themselves may be quite mediocre or mundane. So you must never take it personally. If you do, you shouldn't be dating online; because it's going to happen more often than not. You can't let these trolls chisel at your self-esteem. If they show little to no enthusiasm, you have to learn to just shrug them off.
Know your own value, don't let some man stamp you discount.
You date, enjoy yourself, and go about your life as you always do. Don't sit by the phone waiting. Next!!!
You see them for the shallow people that they are, and you may have ducked a bullet here. There is no truth to tell, you sometimes have to just draw your own conclusions. If they don't call or seem blase when you contact them, shake it off and move-on. Don't make yourself a female-target, and ask men to throw darts at you. "What's wrong with me, or why not me?" You will have no questions if you meet the right man. So keep searching, sweetheart!
He's just a teardrop in an ocean of men. You have your pick; so don't expect anybody to tell you why they're not interested. It doesn't matter, because your options remain open regardless.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): He is telling you he is not interested by not contacting you. You have to accept that and move on without putting yourself through unnecessary stress by asking all of the "whys." He was nice to stop contacting you because he is not interested. And he was also nice enough to respond to you when you texted him. Don't feel bad. Maybe he didn't get a good vibe about moving forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): I don't think he is very much into you, don't make up excuses for him.
It might not that he was not attracted to you, he might not find you the girfriend material, and if you said he was a gentleman he won't tell you.
Of course it would be nice in theory if he was honest, but would you be honest? I didn't meet that many people in my life who can onestly tell another person they don't like her/ him. I am actually one of them.
I went on a date with a very sweet guy. And I am not proud of myself for doing it, because I knew nothing woud ever happen. Not physically, not emotionally. He was sooo not my type in all aspects: he was not in a shape I like a guy to bewith a protruding belly, not much hair. Also his background was totally not what I was looking for, he was sort of a plain sweet guy, a bit too needy, insecure, who was complementing me all night.
At the end of the night I felt really bad, because he felt my attitude and it was obvious in his eyes. He kept on texting me for 3 days after that, and I didn't know what to say. Finally I just stopped answering him.
So, as you can see its not that easy to just a blow a person off.
By the way he acts I would understand though that he is a lost case.
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