A
male
age
30-35,
*auce43
writes:Its long, but i desperately need help..Me and my fiance started dating in Dec 03(we were 14). In Dec 05(age 16), she found out that i cheated on her. I swore to her that i would never do it again. Then i did at some point and she found out not long thereafter the last episode. She found out again, except this time about a couple of things that i was doing wrong to her. I begged my way back into her life as a 16 or 17 year old and thats where we are now. Here is my problem: she says that she has forgiven me completely. She said that she can talk about it fine now and that she knows that it is in the past and gone and that she has COMPLETELY forgiven me for it; i promised her that i would be with her forever and we would work through the situation until its memory is erased from her head. Last summer, we got engaged. She still does stuff though; stuff like just get to thinking. Well be talking about a person that i knew well and she didnt and ask "what kind of person would he say you were?". And when i say nothing bad im sure, she says "so he wouldnt say anything good either?" She also cant look at my cell phone because she has stumbled upon phone numbers of girls that i have cheated on her with in the phone, and it scares her to look at it. She just wont do it. She randomly seems to get upset and claims shes not and then she tells me what she is thinking about.I get mad when it happens. I feel like its years old, i am a MUCH more mature individual. She says its not about that, i should just comfort her when she gets upset about something that i hurt her for, esp when i promised that i wouldnt ever stop doing it. I feel like this will never stop. If i wake up in 10 years and she is still getting upset about me cheating on her a decade and a half ago, i will feel like i made a HUGE mistake in marrying the girl. I love her to death and will never hurt her like that again, but it is so hard to keep my cool when she gets upset over some OLD bullspit. I DESPERATELY NEED advice. She is talking about ending the engagement because i dont care about her enough to comfort her when she gets upset. It is hard to argue when put that way, but i do it well then she says "but you promised". I did... but i was like 16, i didnt know the magnitude of the promise, i only knew it would help. i cant say that to her though because that means the only reason we stayed together at the time was because of some bullcrap promise i made. I was wondering if i should just let it end because she might not EVER stop getting hurt when she thinks about it, or should i keep my promise, which i really cant do for some darn reason, i mean, she is making this black or white. no middle, either i will or i wont, no trying. either its over or its not. What should i do?
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female
reader, waciehawks  +, writes (3 June 2009):
Your girlfriend is an angel for forgiving you for cheating on her so many times. I don't think you deserve her but that's my opinion, you seriously need to talk to her and get your cards out on the table
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Tough situation, sauce43. I can't tell you any more than to have a long and honest talk and tell her she is the only one you care about now and that you are going to be faithful. Like I said, she either believes you or not. If she is still always suspicious, this does not bode well for the future. You may think about moving on, as difficult as it may be now. I don't think I could handle constant suspicion. It just doesn't work. And, who knows..(?.. she may have been the way she is even if nothing had ever happened. Some women are just that way. They are a pain and an affliction...believe me.
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A
male
reader, sauce43 +, writes (30 May 2009):
sauce43 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just dont want to be hearing that when im 30-35 years old, and she just says i dont know if i will stop thinking about stuff. Shes forgiven me but seems to not be able to forget. I hate it so much, i just dont know what to do..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): the main thing though is that i dont want to be comforting her a decade from now for the same time because i truly believe it will never be out of her mind..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): You have not given her much reason to have confidence in you. You were very young when you made all these promises. That is the best thing I can tell you to say to her now,.. "I was a young guy then and was not really thinking about how it might affect you. I intend to be truthful and faithful now". She either believes you or not...and you either mean it or not. If you don't think you can do it, then let her alone. She sounds like a gal who needs fidelity. If you really want her, you have to be willing to give it,..otherwise you are going to hurt her and yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): ....why are the numbers in your phone if they are gone?
i think you need to sit and talk to her and say "look i know you have forgiven me. And i know you will never forget my youthful stupidity. But I love you, really love you. In the next 10 years i want to share every moment with you"
thats where I would go.
think you have given her a scar - it still hurts -be careful and truthful. If it were me i wouldn't forgive you.
Star.x.
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