A
female
age
41-50,
*issred
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 9 years, engaged for 1 year. I've always known he had a dependancy for booze, but recently it's hit ludicrous levels - depression, won't take medication, won't go to work, out drinking for 12 hour sessions. We've been here before but I now realise I have to get out. My dad is an alcoholic and I recognise the signs. My mother had years of unhappiness and I see myself becoming her.How do I leave? How can I make him understand I love him, but can't condemn myself to living my parents relationship all over again? Anyone else been there?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Write him a letter, it will be very hard... Tell him you will always love him very much but you dont want this in your man. tell him you want to see him succeed and build his life, tell him all the things you want that he can set as a goal ie: a family, a nice home, family outing etc. these will give him goals...then leave. Tell him that you will come back when he has set himself up and stopped drinking. As far as the depression goes ask him to see a coucillor or a psycholigist maybe tell the psychologist or person he sees what your plans are. You should see one two just for some discussions befor you do leave. you may want to tell them that you are leaving and your BF will need help. If he does somthing stupid its not your fault the depression is playing on your feelings to stay and you can't put yourself under this kind of pressure its not fair on you. your between 30 and 35 this is pretty much your last chance to get the ball rolling and set yourself up for the next 50+ years.
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