A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. I am engaged to a wonderful man and have been with him for a few years and everything is great, just recently though I have started talking to this guy who showed an interest in me romantically. I told him I was engaged and that nothing could happen but now I am finding I can't get him out of my head and keep thinking what my life would be like if I was with him. Is this a sign that maybe things aren't alright as I thought or am I just getting paranoid?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): I'm the writer of this question
I can't help but think how my life could be soo different with this other man as he is well off and sorted with a job and house and I think I could end up loving him. But I love my partner too but life is not good we have very little money and no where to stay and this hasn't changed for the last few years. I truly don't know what to do
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Only you have the answer to this one. Only you know how you feel about both of them, and if you dig inside yourself honestly, you'll find the answer. It could be innocent, it could be something more. It could be a sign that you're not ready to settle down, or that you're a little bored. At the end of the day, a celebrity crush or an idle look at a cute guy is nice from time to time... but if you're thinking about this other guy a lot then it's not right. If you're going to marry your fiancé, you should be 100%, head-over-heels in love with him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I think you're not paranoid, but over-thinking things. Just because you are engaged doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have brain activity. You see a nice man, you meet a guy who's a great guy... and then just because you're engaged your brain isn't supposed to think the normal way it has been thinking for years?
A small crush here and there is perfectly fine. Don't let it get to you, don't let things develop, and don't be inappropriate. In either case, if you find yourself attracted to another male it could be your hormones running wild, but your actions are controlled by your head, not your hormones. If you are worried about your relationship then work on it. Is it dull, boring? Not happy? If the answer is that you are happy, and have all you need, then your relationship is probably strong enough, and your love deep enough, for a small crush to be perfectly fine.
Like when a woman has a crush on a celebrity. That never posed any threat to a marriage. A little flirt here and there is fine as well. But like I said, be confident in your relationship, don't do anything inappropriate, and don't let anything develop. If it's nothing serious then it's all fine. And since you said you recently started talking to this guy Im thinking this is nothing serious.
You're going to meet men all through your life, even after marriage. You can't isolate yourself from them out of risk for maybe finding some of them attractive. And you WILL meet other men in your life that you find attractive. You are engaged, not deaf and blind. Just learn to handle it in the right way.
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