A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Emotions or reason? Which one to follow?I met her twelve years ago while traveling (became barely friends). I liked her and visited her once more few months later. I had decided not to come back. She was young (19 and I was 28), little careless, I had a job lined up and student loans to pay. And I didn't speak French. I knew that I liked her little too much (I told my buddy at home that I could just merry her). But I also thought that she would just end up breaking my heart at the end.I have tried to forget her since. There was objectively not much to forget. Just four days of hanging out as friends. I went on living my life. Several girlfriends and years later, I found my wife. She has been the best wife I could wish for; gentle, kind, supportive, and she is a great mother to my five year old son. Sounds great? Everything is great except that I was unable to forget my young lady friend. And I have really tried! Recently, I have decided to resolve the problem once for all. I have contacted her and I went to visit her for the first time after all these years. I have told her about my life and how I have felt towards her. I also made it clear that I was not there to betray my wife but to resolve an old problem. After showing an initial surprise, she has invited me to visit with her family (parents, cousins etc.) and best friends over the course of several days. At the end, there was a good bye, she wished me well and a good flight back. Since then, I feel that I have resolved very little. I feel that I fell for her all over again. Facing the paths not taken has been painful for me. Some of the questions remain. Should I have followed my emotions and gone back years ago? My brain has been saying no. My heart is shouting, you should have run back long ago. Any ideas how to put this nonsense to an end?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): hey..i dont know whether u will come back to this or not-but speak to ur wife-open up-tell her about any issues u cannot deal with-maybe once all ur problems are out of ur system-they will be easier to deal with.
friend x:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Thank you for your replies Danielepew and Friend x. Your letters are so true.
I am not unhappy, but, perhaps, I am dealing with mid-life issues together with the routine of everyday life.
Both of you have been a great help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): hey!
its hard-when uve liked someone for so long-imagining the posssibilaties-dreaming up fantasies anddd ideal situations- but the thing is-i agree with the last comment- ur a father now! ur not that single guy who had his whole life to live-u have (by the sounds of it) such a wonderful woman by ur side-why would u risk such a happy family life? where there is trust and love? which person in their right mind would do that-just for that thrill or 'what if'?!
my situation may not be 100% like urs..but it is similar..i wanderd for ages if i was with the right man-there was another friend of mine who always just remained a friend-i always wanderd 'what if he felt the same' - but over the yearsss i learnt that he wasnt soo fabulous-he had his flaws-and he did not know how to respect women-i was glad i never told him how i felt-the guy i stuck with-has been my rock-hes a pure gem!
i remember telling one of my girl mates at work-about my situation and she said 'the grass always seems greener on the other side-but it never really is' --- and its sooo tru-being with ur french friend may seeem like the best thing ever-but when u get there-would she be able to love u enough as much as your wife does? in a marridge there is always highs and lows-but ur wife loves u for ur goooddd and your bad-shes prob seen u at ur worst and still loves u-if ur female friend wanted u that bad-then she would have comeeee and loooked for u-but she never!
seriously-hold on tight to your precious family-anddd be the man ur son will look up to and idol:)
love and godbless
Friend x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Everyone has felt like you do. If only we had...
It seems to me you are somewhat unhappy in your current situation. If you were absolutely happy, perhaps you wouldn't remember this French girl. Or you would, but you certainly wouldn't wonder what it would be like to be with her.
You have a good wife and a great son. If I were you, I would count my blessings. Your wife is a solid, proven good life, and the other girl is nothing but uncertainty.
Though we need to have a heart, we also need to reflect. Have you ever heard that saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it"? In order to pursue that dream, you would have to give up a good reality. I'm sure you know this. You just need to accept it so.
You have what many men wish they had, and never get. I wouldn't leave such a wife, if I were you.
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