A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a very difficult relationship with my brother, who suffers from a lot of mental health problems. I am 35 and he is 40, but neither of us are married or have families. I live abroad and have a good job. He is currently out of work and has been for about a year. He has always had a temper and struggled with aggressive behaviour and depression. Because he had always been so fragile I have always treated him with kid gloves (as has our whole family) for fear of making him worse, but earlier this year after a particularly bad episode I decided enough is enough and told him so. He didn't speak to me for a long time. He is in a very bad way at the moment and has started to become very nasty to me - he puts me down a lot, and uses a lot of emotional manipulation to try to get me to move back to the States. I know that it is a symptom of his condition but I suffer with depression as well and I find it's really starting to affect me. I feel tempted to just cut off contact with him until he can be nicer to me - he won't take any support, just throws it back in my face. Ultimately, I feel really let down by my big brother and I want to put my own needs first for a change. How would you recommend I handle it? There are only the two of us. He lives with my mum at the moment.
View related questions:
puts me down Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 December 2014):
 If he lives with mom then he is not alone...
IF being in contact with him is making you ill (mentally or physically) it's perfectly acceptable to cut contact with him.
there is nothing written that says we HAVE to keep toxic relatives in our life.
My husband has not spoken to his mother in years. She is mentally ill and it is too difficult for him to deal with her after years of her abuse.
Your brother may be ill but he has a responsibility to you as well to not abuse you. IF he can't live up to that responsibility then it's perfectly acceptable to say to him 'I need to go no contact with you to take care of myself."
and let him know what you need from him in order to let him back in your life too.
|
