A
female
age
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*ueeny63
writes:My man and I had an nasty breakup for reasons unbeknow to me. He just stated that I was very disrespectful towards his feelings. We are both adults, and I wanted to talk but I was blamed for something I never did, he went through a terrible event two family members died in the same week. I tried to be supportive, I love him, but he can be cold and aloof at times, I know this was a trying time for him. After not speaking to him in 2 weeks, he just humiliated me and said some nasty things in front of his family and friends. He was jealous of a person that was at the family's house, he assumed I was flirting, but that is just not me, I love my man. He has put me through a lot of grief during these past 3 years, and I have forgiven him, because he can be nice but his divorce and a previous relationship made him very skeptical towards women. I tried to show him that not everyone is bad. I never gave him a reason to doubt me, I smile and am very polite to his friends and family he took it the wrong way. He called me horrible names, I am stil in shock and hurt. I've called him but he will not pick up my calls, he said it was over. I would speak to him on a daily basis and now I am missing this. How can he forget me so easiiy. I want to hate him, which I did. I left him 2 messages this past weekend but nothing. I want to send him a letter just for closure, although I know I will never get an apology from him. I did apologize for certain things that I said to him that may have really gottn him upset, but I had no choice, I had to defend myself and let out all my frustrations that this person had put me throughout our time together. should I send him a note explaining my feelings even though our chances of being together a not very good. But I believe in forgiveness but I will not forget. Love him now in serious doubt. Miss him very much!! I feel so disrespected, confused and emotionally hurt!!
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female
reader, queeny63 +, writes (30 April 2009):
queeny63 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, after praying I came to realization that he may be stressed with the deaths of his brother and father and then of course with his anger towards me...I guess I am not putting myself in his shoes he deals with things on his own, and I may be bothering him with the breakup. His sister sort of made me think...I do want to send her an apology note if I inconvenienced the family in any way. I do have compassion but the way she made it seem was that I was bothering and annoying the family, never my intentions. This is all her brothers doing and saying....Thank you
A
female
reader, queeny63 +, writes (29 April 2009):
queeny63 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI left a message earlier, what I did say last night went into his voice mail. I am on do not call list. To think how childesh of him. I wish the weeks come and go quickly and I won't to prove to him that I could go on. Although I am hurting like no one knows...but one day he will see that he was so wrong. I feel so hurt and humiliated, God is good!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Thanks for updating us!
You are right, you need to be strong and happy, not just for your child but for YOU too! Like you said, you bent over backwards for this guy and he isn't grateful. Now it is time for you to think of yourself. I'm sure that with the help of the therapist, you will get stronger.
As for whether you did or said the right things, I think you did all that you could, so it is probably best not to analyze it too much. You did the best you could, so you can take comfort from that knowledge.
Good luck, carry on being strong. xx
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female
reader, queeny63 +, writes (29 April 2009):
queeny63 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate...well his sister brought over some candles we ordered a month ago. She stated that the family is grieving and his brother is not taking it very well, I should stay away from him and the family. He does not ever want to hear from me. I am in such disbelief, shock, angry...why???I bent over backwards for this person who said he cared ....I did leave 2 messages and I know it goes right into voice mail. He does things like that. Oh I called and thanked him for the candles and he should of kept them. I was so disappointed that he had to have his sister do his dirty work because he cannot face me because of all his lies...how immature. I told him to take care and that God does not like ugly, and what goes around comes around. and to take care of himself and I was so for his grief. I made an appointment to see a therapist, I cannot live with this sadness and bitterness like he does...I have a beautiful little child that needs her mom to be strong and happy!! I do hope I did and said the right thing!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): I don't know why he has been the way the way he has towards you. Maybe he just isn't very good at coping when things go wrong. Maybe you are not compatable. Maybe he just isn't in a good place at the moment to be in a relationship with anyone.
If you love someone and care for them, then you do. It isn't possible to just switch that off overnight, so it's understandable that you still want him back.
But you also say that you want him to sufffer the way that you are. Again, it is natural to be angry at this stage. But while you are feeling this way, I really think it would be a good idea to just wait until you are feeling calmer and can think clearer before jumping into any decisions. It could make things worse if you act out of anger and pain.
I know it is horrible now, but if possible, it might be useful to give it a bit more time, until you feel more in control. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. x
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female
reader, queeny63 +, writes (27 April 2009):
queeny63 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy was I discarded...I felt for him, he survived a horrible divorce...once meeting him he was nice, he worked hard and had a secret that I found out, we worked it out, but things never were the same. When he would get upset he would shut down and not answer anyone's calls. He lives in Pa and I live in NJ...that would upset me so. But I coped, I would cook him dinner, he works in law enforcement he had weird shifts, I would pack up food for the week for him to take home, I would make sure he ate and was feeling good. He then cheated on me which was devastating to me my ego, that’s where our relationship went bad. I tried to forget cause I loved him, he tried but I would tense up, he made the mistake and I had to walk on eggshells...financially he was strapped so I never forced him to do or buy my anything I was considerate cause I loved him, he was very nice to my daughter, very impt....Then I found our I was pregnant, shocker at my age...but I miscarried. That morning I had to go the hospital in a taxi to have the baby removed....it was an icy day....didn't hear from him until later that day..I was furious..and in pain...Little things popped up and he was oblivious although I pointed them out. He would get upset and then slowly come around, he said he loved me I was the best thing ever, and I took him back because I cared for him, then this tragedy in his family occurred, he took one incident and blew it out of proportion I was stunned that he misinterpreted I apologized and he turned into a bull, said terrible things and said that he was tired and couldn't believe I could disrespect him...he is rigid and stubborn he is a correction officer...and he is set in his own ways, but he is in a dangerous job...Why do I care I don't know, I wish he were suffering the way I am. I do know that when we would argue, he would get very sick and depressed. I don't know now cause I haven't heard from him in 2-3 weeks after being called these horrible names...Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): I'm sorry for what you are going through. I do understand that this man may have been through a lot of unpleasant experiences in the past, but that is no excuse for him to treat you in a bad way.
I suppose with him not responding now, you are starting to blame yourself, and feel you need to apologise, right? Well, I would say that you don't need to put yourself down in order to try and make amends with him. He seems to be having a damaging effect on your self-esteem. Please don't blame yourself for all of this.
As for the letter, I think that it might give you a sense of closure if you do decide to send it. But just be prepared for the possibility that he might not respond. If that happens, then you will probably have to try and let it go. Also, if this man is being nasty and trying to hurt you in front of people, then be careful about sending a letter. He might use it to try an hurt you more. Once he has the letter, it will be in his possession. If you pour your heart out in the letter, it will physically be there for him, and he can do anything with it, show anyone.
I'm not trying to tell you not to send it. Like I said, it could help give you some closure. But just be aware of the possible risks.
Good luck, and please be nice to yourself. x
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Well it depends what you want to send the letter for. If you want closure - a final letter explaining how you feel and getting any unsaid feelings off your chest etc then that is ok, send away!
But if you are thinking that by sending this letter you will be attempting to get him back, trying to revive the relationship then no you should not send the letter.
In this case, a letter will only work if it the final time you will ever speak to him and you are not wanting anything out of this letter except some closure for yourself. If you feel like you would regret not saying a few things then a letter seems like a good way of getting everything off your chest, it is better to say what you need to say in a letter than regret never saying a word to him.
However if you have alterior motives here i.e. the letter is designed to make him "feel" a certain way rather than it purely being your need for closure then a letter could do more harm than good. If the letter is designed to make him feel guilty, to make him upset etc then you are just going to make things worse. If you are trying to get an apology out of him, or hoping that this letter will mean he will come back to you then you shouldnt send it - you will only be more disappointed and angry,
The letter has to be in a nice tone, without anger or hatred. It can only be purely for you to put an end to this relationship - to get all your feelings off your chest for the last time. If you still believe there is a chance you will get back together then sending this would be pointless - you cannot have closure if you still want him back!
Make sure you know your intentions and desired response from this letter and once you have figured this out then you will know whether or not to send it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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