A
female
age
41-50,
*exi bum
writes:Hey everyone! I'm in a bit of a dilemma and was hoping you guys could help... Recently i met a guy (lets call him Joe)on a chatroom where people just go for conversation, anyway he and I hit it off straight away. He lives down south and i live up north but nots not what the problem is. Basically, we have been able to chat about most things and have ended up exchanging email address' and now email when we're not on the chatroom. There always borderline flirty and sexual. We've exchanged pictures of ourselves and i know what he does for a living how old (he's 30 i'm 27) etc. Its exciting talking to him until the other day and he said he had something to tell me.He told me he was married.... he said it was a sexless marriage and he didn't feel in love with his wife anymore, even though he did love her. I responded by saying well we're friends nothing needs to come of this, its not like we're ever going to meet properly. He said he would like to meet me in the future etc To cut a long story short, 3 days ago we exchanged mobile numbers. We've been texting and things and been really 'familiar' with eachother. I really like him, he's good lucking funny and never boring, i just dont want to spilt them up. It gets worse tho... curiously i tried to find "Joe" on facebook, i did and saw a little girl in his profile pic and he was with her. I went on his pictures and he has two daughters which he hasn't told me about... I'm yet to say anything to him, i think he believes it'll scare me off, i'm not a family breaker, its one thing a loveless marriage but not when kids are involved. Help tell me what to do. I've never done anything like this before and i feel caught between a rock and a hrad place. This cyber 'affair' has been going on for 2 months now. something needs to be done... sorry its so long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): ok !
So you have 2 choices Ms-not-a-family-breaker..
1. Lose the liar.
2. Continue with the 'emotional affair' which will eventually lead to an actual affair...
I can't believe how someone so articulate and smart can fall for this guy's charm..you gave him ur number, your checking him out on Facebook.. face it babe...this is a lot more than 'online fooling around' you care for him.. either break it off or get ready for a mistress position.
A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 I agree with the others. You should cut him off until it is still early. He is not the right person for you and he has withheld information from you.
Moreover, if he is unhappy in his marriage he can divorce her instead of cheat on her.
Would you like to be with a man who cheats on his wife? What does that tell you about his moral character? He will do it to you too one day too.
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A
female
reader, hmm152 +, writes (31 May 2010):
Agree with chigirl - you need to look after yourself here. He sounds like a no-so-good catch, with a family and risking it all on someone he's exchanged a few text msgs with and someone who only knows his name and age, not anything slightly important - like the fact he has two children. Easy thing to forget. Thing is, it's not like you physically met somewhere and developed an ongoing friendship of some sort, which has innocently become out of control. It seems he intentionally hunted for a bit-on-the-side and ended up with a response from you. If you don't get involved, someone else will. End it now, otherwise you'll find yourself in a horrid situation where you wish you could go back in time and prevent it all from happening.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (30 May 2010):
he is a married man, you need to stop all communication with him.
if hi marriage doesn't scare you off then you should be ashamed of yourself. If he doesn't want to be with her then he should leave her and get a divorce, not start an affair.
what he is doing is wrong and you should not have exchanged email addresses, pictures and especially not email addresses.
Of course he wants to meet and yes he has fed you a list of lie's about it being a loveless relationship because to put it simply.....he wants to have sex with you.
you are in a different part of the country so it would be easy for him to come and see you have a one night stand and go back to his WIFE & FAMILY.
Stop this now because otherise you are quite simply a home wrecker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): "i'm not a family breaker..." well if you really believe this then STOP all the communication with a married man. you say you are not a home wrecker but you have no qulams with an affair with a married man, just married men with kids?? bet you all the bucks in the world: this man has a loving wife and family life, wants some excitement, chats to unsuspecting women (like you) who fall hook, line, sinker for the crap they dish out. put yourself in his wifes whoes, she doesn't know that her hb is having an affair. if you really want to find out the real Joe, now that you have tracked him down , confront / advice his wife of your existence. see then the shit hit the fan when this man realises that you are trying to destroy his life. then you will know whether you mean anything to this MM or whether he hjust wants something cheap on the side.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Cut off all communications with him, right now. This is a no win situation for you, if you continue to talk to him and perhaps even meet him, you will fall in love with him and he will break your heart. Is that what you want?
Married men do not leave their wives when there are children involved, they just cheat on the side. They feed their mistresses a diet of lies and pompous, sympathy evoking, seductions which the women believe to be the truth.
You will save yourself and his wife a lot of headaches by seeing this man for what he truly is and not rewarding his dishonesty (to both you and his wife and children) by giving him what he wants.
I hope you do the right thing. Women really need to stick up for each other rather than stabbing each other in the back!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Drop him! You are the only one who doesnt want to take it further, but he has already convinced you to exchange phone numbers and wants to meet you in person. You dont want him and his wife to split up, well he surely doesnt care what damage he does!
You know, all married men say this. Read around on dearcupid.org, many a mistress tell the exact same tale. Loveless marriage, sexless marriage, they dont talk to each other, they have an open marriage, they cant leave their wife because of the kids...
The answer does not lie in cheating. But your guy seems to think so. I am also wondering if his wife is aware of how "horrible" their marriage is? Or is there a slim chance this man is only feeding you what he thinks you want to hear?
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