A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A female 'friend' whom I lost touch with 33 years ago recently responded to a 3 year old post of mineon our elementary school page where I was asking others to remind me what her first name had been.What we had in common was that we were basically study companions who sat next to each otherall through the year that we prepared for the gruelling, life-defining qualifying exam for middle school.Upon reconnecting with each other, it was an early red flag for me that a gorgeous woman like her,who had lived in 4 countries, not the least of which, fully-air-conditioned-soccer-stadiums-Qatar-for-10-years,would so eagerly volunteer the kind of info that she did to me about her life, calling me "long lost familyabout whom we hold precious memories".I was like... what memories?? you?? about me??Long story short... it all smelled like praise-bombing from...... 33 light-years away.Calling me a 'genius', praising me for the way I put my heart and soul into everything I undertook... remembering my red 'back-to-the-future'-style jacket.She'd talk of how "You knew my heart and portrayed it in your 'slice of life' piece" (a story about us that I wrote some 12 years later)and of how, "I understand the feeling of being incomplete" (regarding not having said good-bye properly)and of how, "I thought of you so so often" (I mean... of me??? in fully-air-conditioned-soccer-stadiums-Qatar-luxury???)The very positive learning from this 'reunion' was how at 11 years old, not having said good-byeand thank you for everything we've learned together with her by my side, had remained a thorn in my side all through my life.Her first words to me on the phone, after having ouh ahh'd breathless over how incredible it felt to be finally hearing my voice again, were "I wish you were here. I would hug you."I drove over to her parents' place, where she's settled back to and had invited me. It went fine.She's talented. She's ambitious. She's creative. She's efficient. She's loaded. She's made it. She's among the best of us.Her reaching across the table for my hand when I told her "It was important for me to come over and tell you thatall through the years, I realize that what I looked for in people I met was the good I had seen in *you* "felt............ forced. Fake.After I left, she texted me to say that it had been "so so good to reconnect" and "see you soon again".Suffice it to say, the very next day, things felt different. When I asked about her 'plans' to migrate to the countryI had lived in for a while, she did not reciprocate my mentioning that it would be with a heavy heart but, come thetime to do so, I'd help her connect with the go-to person over there. Quite on the contrary, her response wasthat she'd hold me to that in due time.Sensing her distancing herself, though I hate to have anticipated it, I hand-wrote a 'slice of life' piece of an alternatefuture, based on our story, of love between two fictitious characters in an alternate dimension.I ended that 'letter' with a P.S. where I ask her to please tell me that she's not a narcissist.Her response: (what a surprise!!) moved on from (earlier mentioned) "preciously held memories" ... and...Am I the only one who raises an eyebrow on this: "I chose to live a life with as little narcissism as possible."Who knows empathy and talks of *choosing* to live a life with as little narcissism as possible???I thought I had gotten carried away with the love story of two fictitious characters who find out that the song 'Perfect' was written for them, so I apologized, and her response was "no need to apologize... or rather, apologies accepted"I figured we could move on and steer the conversation back to 'genuine'. She responded with indicating thatthe hand-written piece had supposedly made her very uncomfortable and was wishing me to keep well.I messaged her to ask whether I could call to talk about it and clear the air. She said 'no, sorry, am good'I said 'so I shall not.'I texted her that yes, it was about the hand-written piece, but not the (tame as f*ck) love story... because havinglived in Australia, The US, and Qatar, she could handle that with her eyes closed... while asleep!What had really bothered her was... well... the rest... (aka... the P.S, are you a narcissist? )Her reaction: "I know what bothered me and that's my problem not yours to figure out".May I rest my case? :-)She had unfriended and blocked me, though only after having sent a 'holier than thou' messagewhere she tried to deflect attention from what she must have realized she'd admitted to.I used a number I hadn't before to say what she wouldn't give me the chance to say:"You are stronger than this thing. You are among the best of us. You know you can do this."*She* called on that number.I'm certain it was no courtesy call. She was all ready to lash out for my having rained on her parade.Crooked minds like hers just absolutely want to be the one to get the last hit in.She would have pretended not to have known it was my number, and would have hung up gleefullyas soon as I had identified myself.I am "so so glad" that I matter of factly declined the call. I would not have had another chance at that.
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