A
male
age
36-40,
*illows
writes:This is the whole story of my last 2 months:It was a girl I knew since high school, but we never kept in touch, and now a couple months back, I met her again for the first time. After the first meeting, we really clicked and our conversations were interesting and funny. At that point of time, I really wanted to talk to her again and so, we arranged another coffee session later on in the week. It went really well again and I liked her more and more. I could also sense her growing interest in me. A couple days later, she was hanging out with her friends at a pub near my place and we hung out after her party, which ended with her spending the night over at my place. From then on, we were seeing each other quite frequently, perhaps 3 or 4 times weekly. With every passing meeting, I was learning amazing aspects of her that I never knew existed and I began to like her even more. She was more mature than me relationships-wise, she was intelligent and we spoke on the same wavelength, she wanted a balance between personal freedom and her relationships, but perhaps the most important thing of all was, she made me smile from my heart. But, as time passed on, I found myself wanting her more and more, craving her time, and being unable to get her out of my head. Just several weeks later, she told me that she thinks we might not suit each other, but she was willing to give it a go. I found myself changing my natural character to fit what I thought it was that she wanted, to my great regret now. But, yesterday, after we came back from a trip overseas, she broke it to me. She said that I was great and had the qualities she wanted, but she just could not see herself spending the rest of her life with me. She said that perhaps love grows with time, but now, she could not see the 'us' in the future? Upon hearing this, I was plain confused. Does every girl go into a relationship looking for someone that they can spend the rest of their life with? And remember, this is just less than 2 months into the relationship and we were still only seeing each other.How do we define someone that a girl could see herself spending the rest of her life with? How am I to respond to this if I do not even know what went wrong in the first place? She gave me no details regarding this. It was just the 'feel', she said. For all its worth, I responded in the following manner: Initially, in my anger and confusion, we argued regarding the validity of that reason in the first place. I believe that having someone that will stand by your side no matter what, someone that cares deeply, someone that supports you physically mentally emotionally, someone that you are comfortable talking to and being around, is what matters. Having all this, I thought that feelings and love will be bound to appear. In the first place, we already had feelings for each other. But after some thinking, I realized that her necessity for strong emotional bonding is just higher than normal. She asked us to continue as friends. Delving into my feelings, I knew that I still loved her and so I told her. I told her that I will not give up on us. She told me that I have to convince her that I am the right one for her as friends. I have put my head on the block and I will work for what I want. You, the reader, may not consider this a question at all. But the question that I would like answered is the one I mentioned above. What do girls mean when they want someone that they can spend the rest of their lives with? In addition, any constructive advice, be it criticism or support, would be greatly appreciated. I look forward to reading your responses! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Sorry mate,
she very may well be thinking on the lines of a long term partnership and this lead her to the decision to call it off.
But realistically if it was as rosy as you suggested I think its unusual for her to pull out the "we don't have a long term future together" line. I think there is more to it and she just doesnt want to break your heart.
The simple truth is she just may not "feel" that you two together are right. There is nothing you can do about this, it's just life.
There is no point in delving any further I beleive anyway, put this down to experience, there's another girl out there.
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