A
male
age
26-29,
*aradice
writes:Sometimes on accedent i hurt my gf and i dont mean too. i never want to hurt her. its the stupid small things that i say that hurt. when she gets hurt i get hurt because i didnt mean to do it or say it. i need to know if were right for each other if i keep hurting her. r we right for each other? i mean to me and her its true love but each time i mess up there feels like theres less love. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Hey accidents happen! Just sit her down and talk to her about it. It may feel like theres less love but theres not. Just make sure she knows your very sorry for what you did hun. Good luck.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Communication is the key. What is going on now is a guseeing game, where you have no idea what she will take offence to, and it's a hit or miss. You need to avoid this, you are a young man with close to zero experience with women, and she is not even a mature woman herself, with zero experience with men. That means you do not know how to read each other, what is appropriate, how to react, how to communicate.
The first simple steps is to sit down and have a serious talk. Make it perfectly clear from the beginning that this is not a break-up talk, you want to be together, and find the common grounds you agree upon. Are you both agreeing to there being too much hurt? Are you both agreeing to work on it? This is not a one man job, you both need to be in on it.
Second is to identify where the problem is. Why does what you say hurt her? Is it random small things that were innocent, but perhaps a little thoughtless? Should you practice more on thinking before you speak, or should she practice not taking offence, but think positively? Or is it the words you use, like swearing, or a special way of talking that hurts her? And is there a way for her to communicate that she is hurt, without it hurting the relationship?
A good way of communication is to not blame the other person, but put it like this "that hurts me because....". A bad way of reacting would be to start screaming at each other and start a fight or name calling etc.
You could also try reading up on couples communication online if you are interested in more. However you can read as much as you like without it benefiting your relationship at all, the important thing is to follow through with it, and not "forget" about the good ways of communication, even when in a hurtful situation. Children have tantrums, when you grow older you develop better ways of communication.
Best of luck! And no, these times of messing up does not mean you aren't right for each other. Relationships demand a bit of work, all relationships do. You just need to get it back on track before there is too much hurt.
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