A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 16 year old girl and i recently lost my virginity to my 17 year old bf of 3 years. My problem is that i enjoyed my 1st time (and the other time after that) but i'm very tight so i experience a lot of pain during and after it. My bf luvs that i'm so tight. he says its like f***ing a virgin all over again. i made him wait so long and now he can't get enough. i wanna make him happy but i don't think i can do it that much (2-3x a wk) it hurts too much. still, i feel like its my duty as his gf to do this b/c i made him wait so long and im s'posed to please him. is there a nice way to tell him that i would rather wait a lil longer before we do it again or at least only on special occasions, or do i have to just put up with this? i don't think i can take much more of this...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): hi i believe that you are too small to think about that. grow up first then you think about that. you are still immature!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): if you guys have had sex for a lot of times now then you should have gotten used to his size... yeah use lubraicant and dont be nervouc... or else its just going to hurt more. get him to finger you a bit first, it might help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Hey its me, the girl who posted this. I haven't been having sex with my bf as much because I told him how much it hurts, but he says that its going to anyway because I'm really tight and he's so big and the only way it'll stop hurting is if I keep f***in so my body will get used to it. (just so you know, I went to the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong and she said I'm just really tight and it actually looks like I'm still a virgin) I gotta admit, I don't really like not doing it because when I'm with him I get so horny and want to do it so bad. Is there a way I can stop getting so horny when we're together or a way to deal with it or is he right? Do I just gotta get used to it and the hurting will go away on its on?
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A
female
reader, EvieA +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Omg are you serious! hell no!
Dont go through pain just to please your boyfriend!
D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Hey I'm the same age and I have the same problem, lol. Annoying or what?! And unfair, cos everyone of my friends doesn't have this problem and they enjoy the activity. It makes me jealous, lol.
The great thing about my bf is he's a really sweet guy and doesn't want me to be in pain. Just do what the others say (especially about foreplay, lube and remembering to relax cos you'll be surprised how much doing these things helps.)
Just posting to let you know your not the only one. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me at first, that I was inadequate and unable to please my bf who (to add more pressure) had a alot more experience than I did. It was almost like shame BUT keep a positive attitude and refuse defeat. It'll work itself out.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): You need to get rid of this attiude, you will target controlling abusive men with the, "I got to please him over anything!" type of thinking.
Like the other posters said, another reason he may not doing it right and hitting your cervix, which hurts like hell
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/disappointments.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Girl, you should NEVER have to feel like you have to do something to please the guy you're with, especially not sexually.
I don't know how old he is, but if he's your age, he might just be too immature to understand what sex is really about: both of you enjoying being intimate with each other.
There's really only one thing to do: Talk to him about it! Let him know that you are not ready for that much sex yet. You just lost your virginity and your body still needs to adjust to that. It takes time and he will respect that if he is a real man and cares about you and the relationship. Just tell him to take it a little slower. Plus: There's a lot of other ways to be intimate, without having actual intercourse. You're a girl that just started having sex, not a porn star or a sex toy!
If he doesn't understand or blames you for anything, get rid of him ASAP.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 October 2008):
 You are being abused by an inexperienced lout who knows nothing about being a man or a compassionate person. He certainly knows nothing about making love. He probably never will.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 It is not 'your duty' to put up with pain in order to please him. You're his girlfriend, not a sex toy. It's not just for his pleasure - you should enjoy it too!
Does he know that it hurts you? If not, tell him! How can he help stop it if he doesn't know? If he loves you enough to wait three years, then he loves you enough to not want to see you in pain. If you don't tell him, he'll just keep on hammering away, and it'll continue to hurt you. Find a time(NOT just before or just after sex) to sit him down and tell him what you have told us. You want to please him, but it hurts you, can he slow down/be gentle/ do it less often? He will understand.
Are you using lube when you have sex? Condoms generally come pre-lubricated, but it's not enough. Buy a tube of the stuff, and USE IT. Good lubrication is half the battle, and may well be the reason you're feeling pain. Another could be that you aren't relaxing - you expect it to hurt, so you tense up, and when you tense up, it hurts. RELAX, as Frankie says. Make sure you are turned on and ready for him - it's no good just lubing up and sticking it in. Foreplay is paramount - make it so that you are aching for him!
Good luck. Keep us updated.
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A
female
reader, porkchop.xo  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 first off it is not your "duty" to have sex with your bf!!!!
I cannot believe you think that! If you don't want to have sex because it hurts you, you can say no, heck you can say no just because you don't feel like it. Or you can say no for the sake of saying no for a change.
You DO NOT have to "please" your boyfriend, personally I think he is inconsiderate if he doesn't even make sure you are enjoying it! Put yourself first for a change!!!!!
You should only have sex if you are enjoying it, if it hurts stop! don't continue until you are ready.
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