A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have seen my ex-girl friend recently and she was smiling and happy in her life, whereas I am still struggling to get over her. She dumped me 8 months back as she thought I was too poor guy financially to propose her officially as she belonged to upper class. We remained together for two years. Should I be happy that she is happy in her life or I should feel jealous since I am on quite opposite end? I would be glad if you guys could put some light on my situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): DISCLAIMER: I'm on your side, but you may not like my answer.Yes, please move on to find your soulmate. Notice the word I am using is soulmate and not true love. I think too many people idealize love as some mystical emotion that possesses you. It's not. You have to love with your mind as well as your heart.Since I can remember the factoid (1980s to present day), most marriages end due to 1) poor communication, and 2) money issues. Accordingly, your ex did you and herself a favor. She probably truly does love you very much, but knows you may not be able to provide the type of lifestyle she's enjoyed or longs to live. The hardest thing in the world is to deny yourself something just to benefit someone else. Sacrificing your own dreams for someone else. She gave herself the life she wants and now is happy. She did you a favor as if she stayed in the relationship she would only resent you, and each passing year find it more and more difficult to be supportive and loving towards you. It would really be a shot to yourself esteem. Even staying two years was too long. She probably already knew things would not work within the first few weeks, but loved you and was hoping for change.It's not even an issue of you being "good enough" as others have commented. She probably does think you are good enough individual, but does not see you as her husband. It's not a comment on your character, your sense of humor, or the way you dress. It's a comment on what's right for the individual. If she didn't think you were good enough you wouldn't have had 2 years with her. You would have written about days... possibly weeks.You should feel however your heart tells you to feel and be okay with what you're feeling. Be both jealous and happy, but make sure not to linger.Take away from this post that:1) Money and character are neither directly or inversely related.2) Relationships are built on love, vision, and likemindedness. 3) You are not less of a person because one woman, rich or poor, decided you are not her soulmate....and yes, I went/am going through a similar situation where I am dating someone who is not as financially stable as I am. I am not rich nor do I come from a wealthy family, but I made good career choices that allow me to meet my bills and treat myself on occasion. My boyfriend is the most loving, supportive, and kindest person I've ever known. It's the reason I've dragged out ending this relationship over 2.5 years instead of when I had the first misgivings one month into the relationship. And yes, I am angry with myself for not ending this sooner because of how much I know this will hurt him.But when I look at my life and how I struggled in poverty as a child, I have no desire to return to that path. I see my life with him as only being difficult. Trying to figure out how to pay this bill or negotiate with this creditor. The thought of having children, or if I became sick and unable to work and how quickly my lifestyle would degrade is all but evident if I continue. It doesn't mean that I don't love him, because I want his friendship and I can see how he, and his family have added value to my life, but I know, in the big picture, I would not have the life I am working towards, and have right now. I live in peace and happiness without resentment.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): My ex dumped me because he felt he was financialy to poor to be with me,he hated that i could provide for us when times were tough but i loved him for himself with or without money but he could never see that
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): I think your well rid to be honest, you should not be made to feel like your not good enough for anyone and it seemed like she just strung you along. Move on with your life, there is somebody more deserving of your love waiting out there for you. best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Better that you broke up than marry someone who thinks you are never going to be good enough for them.
Find someone who is not so materialistic.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 If she really loved you well then she would not have broken up with you just because you are not rich. Love means so much more than money in life but she obviously didn't see that. She sounds like she is quite stuck up and looks down at people who aren't as rich as she is. I honestly think that you should be happy that you got a lucky escape. I am sure you will be able to find someone who is more down to earth and doesn't expect you to have loads of money. You need to get over her now and accept that she has moved on and has found someone who she wants to be with. You don't need to be happy about this, but don't be jealous either as am sure the perfect woman for you is still out there somewhere.
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