A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am hoping for some guidance with something that has happened to me this week.My boyfriend of a year dumped me by text.It was literally a line saying lets call it a day, following a couple of harsh texts between us.Ironically, I actually was trying to relay how hard I found it as we are in a LDR and had just had a lovely weekend together, and the texts I sent were more scathing than about this, but even so...We had a difficult patch the previous two weeks which I was prepared for us together to call it a day, but he asked for another chance saying he wants me in his life, loves me and has never felt so cared for or loved. I've always struggled with the distance, and the time we spend together is great but is like a glimpse of the life we could have but cant for many years...I became upset as I saw the evening after our time together that he was on fb, yet didn't contact me or wish me goodnight etc. And my interpretation of this wad I'm not on his mind, while I'm sat missing him.So off the back of his and my couple of texts (and they were literally two each) he sends the dump one.He has also blocked me on social media and his phone by the looks of it.Now my question is, should I email him and say that we may be at an end, but the way he has done it is really unfair and cruel. I feel dismissed and discarded, and I we had agreed previously that we would always give what we had and each other the respect of a conversation. What do people think? Or should I leave it? Its a hideous way of ending a yr relationship, and very cowardly I think. I do however know he will be hurting too, and know there wont be a different outcome I we talked now, I just want to end on a conversation in a more respectful way I guess.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 March 2016):
 I don't think your texts 'inappropriate' so much as I think they were pointless.
Obviously I'm not there to see what who did to whom, but being long distance means you're not going to have the in person time together that local relationships so. How much of that is HIS fault? You could have relocated to be with him. You could have dated someone near you instead. There are lots of other choices you could have made here, but you opted for this one.
It's not about blame, by the way. It's about owning your choices instead of being the victim of someone else's.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2016): Hi. I'm the original poster, and thank you all so much for your time in reading and responding. I think you are absolutely right, I shouldn't contact him. I don't think he's seeing anyone else, and I don't think there is anyone else in the picture, but i can see why aunt anonymous may think so. I think he broke because we've been her before and he had taken offensive to what i wrote, which he had done before too but ignored rather than ended us. I feel pretty ok really considering. To end with a text like that is very unpleasant, however it is his chose and i can't control it. I sent him two texts after his one in the same day. One saying how horrid and its his lose, and the other saying i was saddened and shocked by the disrespectful way he has treated our relationship and that i will never contact him again ever. If he contacts me i would never ignore him, I'm not built that way but i am prepared for the fact that it is very very likely i won't hear from him again, and I'll deal with that. I don't think the texts i sent were inappropriate ?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (27 March 2016):
 Hi,
let him go and do not feel compelled to contact him whatsoever.
He "chose" to break up with you via a text msg, so as far as he's concerned, you're not worth much more.
He didn't break up with you in an amicable and respectful manner, so why waste your precious time too?
Your expectations appeared high, but the fact that the two of you weren't together (in the physical sense), the fact that it never occurred, really was going to lead to a dagger in the heart.
No two people can maintain, nor sustain a long distance relationship, over the long term, without putting in much work and often hard work.
You must have great communication skills to be able to maintain those lines of open communication and you'd have to be very understanding and patient.
All in all, it's not easy and we don't exactly know why he broke up with you so hastily, however, that's not for you to worry about, as that was HIS CHOICE.
You cannot change him, nor control what he chooses to do, so why worry about it?
You must try to accept what has happened and let go and move forward in your life.
He "chose" to move forward with his and "without" you in it, so you must do the same and not look back, look forward.
The past is gone, you cannot change it, but you have the power to take control of your own life as of today forward.
All the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2016): Don't contact him; in that way you're preserving your self-respect. A person who just breaks things off by text and blocks you everywhere, with no explanation doesn't deserve another minute of your attention.
If you feel dismissed and discarded, what explanation can he give to alleviate those feelings and rationalize his cowardly method of ending things? There is no explanation which will help you to feel better.
Leave him be. If he contacts you, then maybe have an adult conversation. For now, let him go.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (26 March 2016):
Hi. What an awful way to end a year together! Yes it is cowardly. I'm not sure I would jump to the conclusion there is someone else, but you said there was difficulties twp weeks back when you were going to end it, and it was him that wanted another chance.i wonder if he thought given that that you were trying to end it again band he wanted to get in first to save his pride and ego? I doubt there is someone else if he wanted another chance, as he had his opt out there two weeks back.
I don't think you should contact him again. If he wants to reach to you he will, if not its his lose and you'll find a better fit for you out there. Leave him to it and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 No OP, he's not hurting; he's the one who chose to end it that too in such a hurried manner via a text message.
I have a feeling there's someone else in his life and he did the easiest thing... Dumped you without even so much as a last conversation because he's in a hurry to move on.
Don't ask him for any answers, don't wait for closure because there's no such thing. You knew it was coming to an end, you had an intuition... how exactly did you think that it could be respectful? Would you have rather had a conversation where he would have come up with a million reasons to make you feel worthless?
OP the moment you let go of the past and don't want anything to do with it... No answers, no explanations, nothing... That will be your closure. Tell yourself that this was for the best. That this man didn't deserve you. And don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how disturbed you are.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (26 March 2016):
I agree totally with ciar that you will need to bite your lip here and let him get back in touch that may never happen . But better knowing the now that investing even more than a year . Yes I know I'm not you sweetie or have the feelings you do .. but better being appreciate than not. And if he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you at all
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 I think LDR are hard enough as it is, with you thinking the worst of him constantly I can see why it might not work long term.
Carrying on a relationship via text is not sustainable. Same with having fights over text, it leaves SO much up to personal interpretation.
I agree, I would NOT contact him. If he does you two need to have a SIT DOWN face to face conversation.
If he doesn't. I'd let it go, it obviously wasn't making you happy.
And maybe next time date someone who lives closer to you geographically?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (26 March 2016):
Leave it be. Let him reach out to you in the coming days or weeks. If you don't hear from him by then you know for certain it's done. There isn't anything you can say you haven't already said and repeating it all again just makes it worse. Unless there is a date set for one or both to relocate, the odds are stacked against long distance relationships. They require more sacrifice, faith and patience and offer far fewer rewards. You didn't have enough time in person for you (and probably him) to be happy and instead of cherishing what time you did have you poisoned it by complaining (regardless of nicely or non judgmentally you think you put it). Then you expected to be the centre of his attention the day after your visit when you saw him on Facebook. This would be a nail in the coffin for me, so I imagine he wasn't too chuffed about it either.His break up text was sent during an argument, a two way exchange, which to me is not really cowardly, the way it would be if he'd sent it out of the blue.I think you'd be more happy and secure with someone local instead of squeezing everything you can out of someone far away.
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