A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay. I'll try and keep this short and sweet. I'm 18 years old and I am a size 14 in the UK, however in some shops I am a size 12. Size 14 in the UK is now considered as plus size (even though I have no idea why) so technically I am classed as a plus size woman.I am 5"3 and I am 12 stone exactly. I am overweight and I accept that, however a couple of years a go I was much much bigger and managed to shift a good couple of stone, which as you can imagine cheered me up immensely. However the problem I have been having involves my bodyweight, self esteem, and sex. I've always had self esteem problems since I can remember, and it has sucked to put it nicely... however in recent years I have started to teach myself to be more confident and I think I am finally getting the hang of it :) I have started wearing clothes I want to wear, I've started showing off my legs and just appreciating my figure... I have to say the feedback I have had has been great, whenever I go out I normally get some kind of compliment or wolf whistled, which is a big change from just not being noticed. However the one problem I still have is sex... I'm at the point in my life where I want to start branching out and being confident enough to have sex with the guys I want to have sex with... but as soon as the date approaches, I get nervous and normally cancel it. I've only ever slept with bigger guys, as I thought they wouldn't mind as much, my last boyfriend constantly told me how hot he thought I was, and him and many others had assured me I'm not that fat, but of course it still niggles away in my head that I am and men won't be attracted to me once I take my clothes off. I am meant to be having sex tomorrow with a guy I really like.. however once again the doubts are filling my mind.. I have been told by a female friend, that men aren't stupid. They know what figure you have just by seeing you in your clothes, and if they agree to have sex with you they are attracted to you and know pretty much what they are in for... I wanted to know if this was true? Do men have a rough idea what a woman will look like with her clothes off just by seeing her? Do men actually sleep with bigger women because they are attracted to them or is it for other reasons? Should I for once in my life, stop worrying and accept this guy likes me and I like him and just not feel ashamed and do something for once that I want to do? All feedback is welcome.
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my figure, overweight, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2015): Honestly, I'm the same as you, but bigger. I guarantee it will feel easier if you feel relaxed - which usually comes with time spent in a relationship with the person because then you feel adored for who you are and the idea of sex becomes less of a self-conscious event and a more pleasant, comfortable one.
I don't really think NSA will make you feel any better.
A
male
reader, KingZeus  +, writes (17 July 2015):
 You certainly have nothing to fear. Some guys are exclusively into plus sized women (Its common here)
And yes he can pretty much guess what you'd look like without your clothes on, since you said you've been wearing more daring clothes.
When you're having sex with Him,Try to keep your mind off thoughts like "OMG he's about to see me naked!" "does he think I'm too fat?" Etc. This one of the reasons women find it hard to reach orgasm
Don't worry about things you can't change
Have fun!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2015): Men know what you look like and some men are attracted to bigger women. Good luck
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A
male
reader, IanHenryCooper +, writes (17 July 2015):
 Ok, men generally don't understand dress sizes, but I have been privileged enough to have slept with women of all sizes and each and every one was a delight. I never judged, I simply appreciated.
In other words, as long as the connection is there (and I do like to chat a lot first (friends before f***ing, if you follow) and then get more intimate as a natural consequence; it makes the sex much more meaningful and satisfying.
What I am saying is that he has, in his mind, already undressed you and is definitely into you, so STOP worrying and go for it!
Harry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2015): Okay, one thing to keep in mind is that he wants to sleep with you. He would not want to if he didn't find you attractive; that goes for whether he's tall, short, fat, skinny or really fit.
I felt the same when I was younger and really hated guys seeing my body naked. But every guy (no matter what they looked like) still fancied me. It was all in my own head that I felt unsexy. I just had to tell myself that they wouldn't be sleeping with me if they didn't find me attractive.
We are our worst critic. And there are loads of books and articles out there (natasha devon is an amazing body confidence writer) that do help women get over those body confidence issues.
Don't worry about it hun. Enjoy yourself tomorrow.
xxx
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