| A
female
,
*ink
writes: Please help, I have been with my partner for 9 years and am due to get married shortly. I do love my partner who is a wonderful man but recently I have developed strong feelings for a collegue. This collegue and I have always had a flirty relationship but recently things have gone a lot further. He says that he loves me but I am so confused as to what to do. I live with my partner and do not want to hurt him although I know I have badly betrayed him. Do I stay with my partner or attempt a new relationship with my colleague. All my friends and family are looking forward to my wedding but I now feel so confused. I would appreciate your advice as I cannot speak to anyone else. Thank you.
View related questions:
co-worker, flirt, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): You are obviousley stuck in a very difficult position. Feelings for people you work with will often arise but i think you need to dig deep & ask yourself why is it you feel that you want to act on these feelings. When you say you have always been flirty does that mean it has now got more physical or just that you have admitted to one another you have deeper feelings? (and its a case of something new something dangerous)
I think there are a number of questions you need to ask yourself/consider
if you do leave your partner it may seem like a watse of nine years but then again marriage is supposed to be forever & if your not marrying for the right reasons then that is a bigger waste.
Are these feelings for your collegue a way of seeing if you are really commited to your partner?
is it subconsciously an attempt to prove that you have "still got it" when it comes to the opposite sex?
Is it that genuinely someone better has come along & this is the excuse/reason you've been waiting for to leave your partner? or is it a case of wedding jitters & this is one last fling before final commitment?
Do you want to stay with your partner out of a sense of loyalty or because you truly want to be with him?
Importantly you must marry beacause you want to, not because you don't want to let down your family & friends they will understand. I'm sure there must be a friend out there that you can talk to in confidence to help you through this & if you do decide to stay with your partner tell him of your fears/doubts.
I know my reply does not give you a definitive answer - only you can reach that - but i hope i helps you to consider all your options.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): You are obviousley stuck in a very difficult position. Feelings for people you work with will often arise but i think you need to dig deep & ask yourself why is it you feel that you want to act on these feelings. When you say you have always been flirty does that mean it has now got more physical or just that you have admitted to one another you have deeper feelings? (and its a case of something new something dangerous)
I think there are a number of questions you need to ask yourself/consider
if you do leave your partner it may seem like a watse of nine years but then again marriage is supposed to be forever & if your not marrying for the right reasons then that is a bigger waste.
Are these feelings for your collegue a way of seeing if you are really commited to your partner?
is it subconsciously an attempt to prove that you have "still got it" when it comes to the opposite sex?
Is it that genuinely someone better has come along & this is the excuse/reason you've been waiting for to leave your partner? or is it a case of wedding jitters & this is one last fling before final commitment?
Do you want to stay with your partner out of a sense of loyalty or because you truly want to be with him?
Importantly you must marry beacause you want to, not because you don't want to let down your family & friends they will understand. I'm sure there must be a friend out there that you can talk to in confidence to help you through this & if you do decide to stay with your partner tell him of your fears/doubts.
I know my reply does not give you a definitive answer - only you can reach that - but i hope i helps you to consider all your options.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (4 May 2006):
 This is a tough one. Put yourself in your partners shoes and if you were the one was planning a wedding and a life with your loved one and this comes along. It would make you question all the things that you shared and accomplished as one unit. You would have to rebuild that trust and start anew. As for your colleague, typically people long for what they know they can't have or have the urge for the forbidden fruit. This so-called love affair of yours is an infatuation no more no less. You love your partner for who he/she is and you know whats in that person's heart. I'm not saying go and tell your partner what you did because blessed be the man who GOD hides his sins. Trust in your heart and follow it you can't lose.
...............................
|
