A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I accused my partner of lying the other night as he was coming back from a party and fell asleep on the bus.He then took a taxi from one town drove straight through the town that he was meant to meet me in and onto the next town.He told me this was because the taxi driver had said no. It made no sense as to why he would do this, he had a few drinks and decided to go back to my house rather than meet me at my parents like he was supposed to, as he was annoyed at me. When I got back with my daughter I put her to bed and said I was going to go to bed as well as I felt ill due to a tooth abscess I had. He followed me into the room around 5 minutes later and began hurling abuse at me telling me he hated me, that I was a b***h and a c**t that I'd ruined his night when he was being nice and was coming home early and I had no right to ask if he was lying. He said that he thought I had other men in my house whilst he went to work. And threw my bag and phone at the walls. And this went on and on and on. For hours with him accusing me of making up my illness to punish him when him going out was his shining light of joy in the last few months he accused me also regardless of the massively swelled cheek and an earlier visit to the dentist that day. He said some awful things to me that i just didnt respond to and i think the less i responded the more annoyed he got.He had been drinking but I honestly think he meant some of it. And I can't let that go.Has anyone else been in similar situations or what advice can you give for me to get past this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 June 2016):
 You don't get past it you leave him.
My husband is a recovering alcoholic. I told him if he didn't get sober the marriage was over. He got sober because I was the most important thing in the world to him. Therefore I am willing to work with his crazy temper and insanity.
IF your guy is abusive when he drinks (and calling you names is abuse) then he has the potential to be abusive when not drinking.
You have a child around an abusive man, is this what you want to model for your child.. that this is how men treat women and women are to accept it? I think not.
kick him to the curb if he won't get sober.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): HiHe is so abusive, the tactics he uses are all abusive behaviour. Blaming you for ruining things, accusing you of lying and accusing you of having other men (usually to put you off the scent of him having other women), having absolutely no concern about you, how you're feeling and the fact that you were in pain, which he was aware of believe me. He just doesn't care. It's all designed to stop you from ever questioning him again. And to eventually make you completely quiet, obedient and to destroy your confidence and self esteem. To make you question yourself and everything you know in your heart and your gut to be true. I could go on and on.There are some brilliant books out there to open your eyes to abusive behaviour and how to recognise it. He is showing lots of classic signs of abuse and being violent towards you by throwing things. This is meant to scare you and to make you wonder if he was going to hit you. The best book I ever read on abuse is called 'Why Does He Do That?' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. Please read it. It will really help and empower you to understand what is going on here. And alcohol has nothing to do with abuse. He will be abusive as time goes by, no matter what the circumstances. A very good line from the book is 'Alcohol does not cause abuse and sobriety doesn't cure it'. So true. Good luck with this and please realise that this his behaviour is all calculated to make you feel awful, he only has his needs at heart and that his abuse will get worse over time. Tread carefully, but read the book (don't let him see that you are reading this book)and then I hope you will be able to see what to do from there.Best wishes xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2016):
 You BF is an abusive guy. End of story.
Throwing a hissy-fit because he didn't get his way and that you DARED to question his lame-ass story makes him seem like a 5 year old.
"His going out was his shining light of joy in the last few months " so what does that make you? chopped liver?
Personally, I get that people can be upset about being accused of stuff, but it NEVER justify throwing stuff and screaming/yelling at your partner. SPECIALLY not when he OUGHT to know your daughter was a few walls away as well.
I'd end it, wish him good luck and block him.
Yes, he would be out the door. So he can go get all his shiny moments elsewhere.... What a dickweed.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2016):
 Drinking is no excuse for someone to behave this way. The thing is did he apologize the next morning and explain himself? You should have been the one angry not him. He was very disrespectful to you and flew off the handle. It makes me wonder why he flew off the handle so easily while being questioned, could he truly have been lying about something, that is the first thing that would come to my mind with his behavior. You need to talk with him about this because your daughter should not be around someone with these issues. She should not have to hear her mother being called these names. Good luck.
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