A
male
age
41-50,
*riskeogh
writes:HiI don't know how to approach this.All I can say is I drink way to much yet I hate the term alcoholic even if thats where I am.I have been with my partner for 8 1/2 years and we are due to marry in October. I wouldn't have that any other way.What I do know is that this can't carry on but I feel like i'm hitting a brick wall in so far as help. I have had great counselling but it felt for me that you have to have self esteem to not drink and to value others and whilst I don't always feel the former I do feel bad when my behaviour impacts on other people.Right now I feel stuck, I want to not drink and can go days of not having it and most importantly, not missing it. BUT it feels like when I can have it, temptation kicks in.Its winding me up as i'm such a nice person and I really do care about how other people feel but I know I sometimes let people down. It scares me that the person I care about the most may just walk away.This isn't the person I am and I so don't like it and wish I could find a way out.I have drunk for years and only in the last two years has it become a problem, be that I change as a person or that I don't go in work etcI really want this to stop and to have a happy life
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): You are an alcoholic, you readily seem to admit that. You are well on your way to recovery.
Read, understand, go to AA, understand that this is a disease and you can only control it by not drinking, you cannot control your drinking though.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/
http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-ACOA-Sourcebook-Children-Alcoholics/dp/1558749608
I'm a medical professional, I go to AA 3 times a week. I don't drink, I don't do drugs.
I'm big on not doing drugs or alcohol, understandably, but my assistant was arrested twice within the last 3 months due to driving under the influence. She doesn't think she is an alcoholic, despite this.
She's got way more problems, at half my age, than I ever had.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): Hi
I admire you and the fact that you have come on here of your free will and looking for some help. I think you know yourself that only you can change this, you have time on your side and health and love and can stop yourself going down into the place you KNOW you don't want to be. You see ahead and that is a great bonus, many don't see any futher than the bottle because it is too late. What do i know about drinking problems, it creates a life of hell for all concerned and if you see it coming get off the train now!!!!!! HOW? only YOU can do it.
I can only offer insight from the other side.
My father suffered (i know you suffer aswell) and in effect the whole family of six suffered. My Father won his battle in the end (a lucky one) but we were all dragged through the bowels of hell(the only way i can describe the seriousness of where you can go and with the people you love) and believe me we all visited this place with him.
Don't go to this place and take love down with you ....run towards love while some of you is still fighting. I wish i could help you but i can send you a smile and say....choose a happy life and remember you are still strong because you are on here been honest knowing where you could end up if you make the wrong choice.
Best of luck and hope you win :)
spunky monkey....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): You letting others down is not the issue. It is but this is a red herring. You will never get sober for other people. You have to do it for you.You get sober for you and their problems subside with yours. Go to AA. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. It doesn't take as much effort as it may appear in the beginning. And the pay off down the line is for you to have a new lease on life. Once you get sober you will quit disappointing others. Quit disappointing others and you will not have that pressure of expectations that sabotage you now. People put off getting sober for years because it seems like a daunting task. They look at where they are wanting to be and it seems impossible to get there from here. The road is too long. The tasks too numerous. But you take it one day at a time. This philosophy allows you to not be over come with a seemingly unworkable task. It's all about baby steps. Progress over perfection. Two steps forward and one step back.The people in AA are like you. They were powerless over a substance and they know the challenge. They have done it and they know that a relapse is still as close for them as it is for you. These people care. I can tell you that people you have not even met are ready to do whatever it takes to help you succeed. Check it out. Go to one meeting. Then go to another. Keep coming back. Vent to people who know what it is like to be where you are. You want help or you would not be here. Redirect this effort where it will do you the most good.
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