A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.My (female) best friend has just (about 6 weeks ago) broken up with her boyfriend of two years. Since then we have been spending quite a lot of time together and I feel like we've become even closer than we always have been. The problem is, I think I've fallen for her. I'm not particularly worried that if I tell her it will affect our friendship as I had similar feelings about her just as she was getting together with her boyfriend (she went from one boyfriend to another, and was never single so I didn't act on anything) and I told her and it's never been an issue. The problem is, while I think it's possible that one day she could share my feelings, I pretty much know that at the moment she isn't over her last boyfriend. so a)telling her now might hurt her feelings and seem thoughtless, and I genuinely care about her so I don't want that b) saying something now may ruin any chance of anything ever happening)but c)I don't want to leave it too long unless she finds someone newSo, should I tell her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): Hi,I've already tried to post this before but it didn't seem to come out so if i've posted a very similar message twice, that's whyI'm the original poster and first of all i'd like to say thanks for replying. I'm not going to say anything just yet, unless an obviously perfect situation presents itself, largely because she's in the middle of a big uni work crisis, which is stressing her, and I don't want to overload her. Dusky, telling her how I feel if/when she's ready to date would be ideal but how am I supposed to know when that is, surely asking her (especially repeatedly) if she's ready would give the game away. Continuing to be a good friend and hoping she'll think of me more as partner material is something that I think is a good idea, but I'd like to subtly suggest what I feel through the way I act. Do you think this is a good idea? Also, what things would be subtle but noticeable? Would, say, complimenting the way she looks suggest anything or will she just assume that's a normal friend thing to do.Collaroy, your peace of mind argument certainly carries weight with me as I do tend to be the sort of person who can't get an unresolved issue off of their mind. However i'm worried that maybe she would develop/notice feelings for me as she gets over her ex and that saying something now might stop that process so I think i'm going to err to the side of caution, if only for a little while.Once again,Thanksp.s. this is (from memory) an excerpt of an MSN conversation we had while she'd gone home (from uni, where I am)for the weekend. M=me H=herM so did you manage to go to the ball dress shop?H yeah, but they didn't really have anything formal enoughH got offered the chance to do some modelling by the owner though! ;)M was it a plus size show? :p [please note she's not even vaguely overweight and she knows it and knows I don't think she is]H *that shocked/worried smiley with the starey eyes and open mouth*M tsh! You know i'm only joking, and that I think you're gorgeous really!H *embarassed smiley* *smiling smiley*I was slightly confused by the embarassed smiley, do you think it means anything in particular?p.p.s. I really hope this posts properly this time!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): HiI'm the original poster, thanks for your responses.Collaroy, I think there is much to be said for your peace of mind argument as I am definitely the kind who struggles to get unresolved issues from their mind. However you say I owe it to myself once and for all whether she is interested but I'm wondering could it not be the case that she would realise she is interested once she gets over her ex but bringing it up now might impede on that. Dusky, I realise that 6 weeks isn't long and I don't really think she is ready at the moment. I'd love to tell her how I feel when I know she's ready but how am I going to know, won't asking her (especially repeatedly) make it kinda obvious? For the meanwhile "Carry on being a good friend and hopefully she may see you as partner material" is certainly advice I like, especially as she's in the middle of a big uni work crisis and is a bit stressed so I don't want to overload her, but I'd like to maybe be subtly hinting at what I feel through my behaviour. Do you think this is a good idea? Also, what kind of things are going to be subtle but noticeable; complimenting how she looks etc?Thanks so much for your replies and anything else you say
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (19 February 2008):
 The only thing I can suggest, talk to her and ask if she is ready to date anyone at the moment. Six weeks is not too long to get over a relationship and she is probably still raw from the break up. If and when she is ready, then tell her you really would like to get to know her other than being a good friend and then see what her reaction is. You sound like a decent guy and you will make a great boyfriend.
If she is receptive towards your feelings, then I think you two should take it very slowly and see what happens.
Carry on being a good friend and hopefully she may see you as partner material. Good Luck. Dusky xxx.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi,
yeah its a tough call, you dont want to be the rebound guy, but then again if she jumps from relationships pretty quickly then that is not such an issue.
I think for your own piece of mind you need to know where you stand. It will make you feel lousy if she picks up with someone else and you haven't had a chance to let her know your feelings. So tell her I say.
But be warned, she may value your friendship a lot more than wanting to take the plunge and develop a full blow romantic relationship. But if you are in love with her you owe it to yourself to find out once and for all whether she is interested. At least you can then find someone yourself without waiting on her.
Good luck.
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