A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts, I'm a 17 year old girl, and I've recently got talking to a boy. He's lovely and hilarious, and I'm really beginning to like him. But there's a problem; he's autistic. See, this isn't a problem to me, I really COULD NOT CARE LESS. But I'm just scared that if we were to get together the horrible, judgemental people in the world would have something to say about it. Don't get me wrong, I really don't want to care what people think, but it's just in my nature, I can't help it. I don't know what to do, I would like to be with him, but I really can't cope with bitchy remarks, they would just get me down. Any advice?Thanks in advance :)P.S If you are going to comment '''Stop caring what people think''', no offence, but please don't bother. I'm fully aware that I shouldn't care what people think, but saying it is a lot harder than doing it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (17 February 2013):
You may care now, but after you start dating him and getting feelings for him, you won't care in the same way; instead of being embarrassed you'll be upset when people talk about him.
I love my wife and I know she's a great person and anyone who disagrees can go to he'll as far as I'm concerned.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (16 February 2013):
Dear OP,
First, I would spend some time with this guy together until you are very sure about your feelings towards him. And his feelings towards you.
If you both really work out as a couple, there will probably this feeling: "You and me against the world".
If you are happy with someone, you automatically start to be proud to be in their company and you defend them against the others.
Well, at least it's like that with me.
If you're not really sure whether you like someone or not, that's the time where bitchy remarks can still have their effects.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 I am assuming the horrible judgmental people are not strangers you see in the mall but actually your family and friends from school. You can date him first and see if there is potential. You only tell your folks when you consider him as a long term partner. Your parents will be concerned about his ability to make you happy. They will always know more since you are only 17. As for bitches who like to put people down, well they aren't really your friends. If you see yourself marrying him and the deal is done, people can't warn you anymore but if they still make redundant remarks you just tell them to shut up.
Not all autistics flap their hands and rock back and forth. In fact many look and act normal. You only notice traits when you get to know them closely. Maybe when you finally mention him to people, don't give out a label, as if that's the only thing that identifies him. It's important that you are happy together and people see that. If he makes you happy he is able to make your folks happy too. Some people still think that autism means mental retardation. Maybe that's why they feel a right to be bitchy towards your relationship to put you down.
Go slow and get to know him before thinking too far ahead.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): As a lovely and hilarious autistic male old enough to be your grandfather, I must gently advise you that the world is filled with horrible, judgemental people who are particularly horrible and judgemental towards those whom they perceive as being somehow inferior to them, and unfortunately autistic people make easy targets (believe me, I know).
What you need to learn and understand is that the only opinions that count are those of people who have earned your respect, and if you can count a handful of them then you are very lucky indeed.
I suggest you be honest with the boy; autistic people are honest to a fault so he will appreciate it. Since he's likely very used to dealing with horrible, judgemental people I'm sure he has developed an arsenal of snarky quips, retorts and insults to put them in their place.
It is very hard ignoring what other people think now, but it will be even harder to one day look in the mirror and realize that by letting horrible, judgemental people influence your thinking you allowed them to succeed in bringing you down to their level at the expense of a lovely, hilarious and completely innocent boy whose only "crime" is his existence as an autistic person.
It's usually not easy to do the right thing, but it's always the honest and decent thing to do, which is why it's so difficult. Stand up for yourself by standing by your friend, and you will have learned a valuable lesson many people my age still lack the brains or guts to have learned.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Go for it OP, no matter who you go out with there'll always be bitchy comments. You get with the hottest, nicest, most popular guy in the school you'll get bitchy comments about not deserving him, no matter who you date there'll always be bitchy comments. Are you going to stay single forever just because you care about what bitches think?
No, take the chance OP.
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