A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys I need some help here.My boyfriend had been doing well we had gotten more intimate we live with his mom and we have a baby together.The baby is 2 1/2 so we been living togeather for 2 years and 3 months.Yesterday his mon texted me and asked me to ask my bf what did he want to eat for dinner ? My bf said whatever she wanted so we were gonna pick her up I dislike that she just can't text him but he never replys anyway. We were going to eat in n out but it was very busy so his mom says wendys which is down the street.When we get there my bf decides me and his mom could order but that he doesn't want anything so his mom was upset because she wants her son to eat so we decide to do in n out but a farther one 20 minutes away..we were arguing about the in n out parking lot so he was reversing when he hits a parked car but my bf doesn't have insurance only I'm insured so when my bf hit the car a cop was pulling in to the parking lot.I was worried because I don't want the car to get taken away or for my bf to get a ticket so me and his mom get off we handle it since it was a minor scratch.The owner said he might let it go and my bf is more concerned about still arguing.I'm mad because he doesn't realize how I took the blame for him.He's arguing with me and I'm ignoring him.I didn't talk to him all night this morning when I wake up I'm not mad anymore I offer him to eat twice he deny it Then I tell him the owner probably dismissed it because he hasn't reported anything on the insurance.He ignores me I leave with our daughter for a walk.When I come back he's all fine and talkative to his mom so I try to talk to him.He's being sarcastic like he doesn't want to speak to me I ask him why is he acting stupid with me he says because he doesn't want to talk to me I say why what did I do to you? That I'm not mad about yesterday anymore.He said he didn't care.Then I grab our daughter because I got mad since his mom walked in to the living room I didn't want her to see us arguing so my bf says why was I holding our daughter like that and I tell him not to talk to me.I was very angry so I lock myself and my baby in the room then after a few hours his mom comes in the room and ask me if I'm okay? That my bf is acting dumb right now just to wait to talk to him once his not upset I said yeah okay but I'm mad because my bf is being nice to his mom but why not me?I took the blame for him.It's like he is more concerned about his mom's feeling than mine I honestly feel like moving out but you know what they say don't make decisions when mad or sad ! That's where I need your help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2015): I'm the original poster of this question.His mom and I talked about a couple things she said he was upset because me and his mom were both talking crap to him and that why did he have to hear that if he pays for insurance and it's his car and he also got upset because his mom was defending me.He said why did she care if it wasn't even trying to help her out this was because I got a job offer and I told him it would help his mom pay some rent, my phone bill, my part of car insurance and groceries.But my bf said he wants to quit to search for anthor job.Meanwhile he can pay his side of the rent. I didnt totally agree because he takes long to do things sometimes and so I told him I wasn't even going to take the job offer. I said that out of madness.I do want the job for myself to still pay what I need so his mom said he felt hurt. That I was will to support him in that way. Like how much loyality do it have to show ? He knows me and how loyal i am to him for the past 7 years we've been together.His mom telling me she supports me. That my bf will get over it. To not worry.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2015): "I honestly feel like moving out but you know what they say don't make decisions when mad or sad !" Two months ago a young woman in your age group from your country in eerily similar circumstances was also wondering whether she should move out:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-moving-out-make-it-more-likely-that.htmlAfter careful consideration of the excellent advice she received, she ultimately decided it would be best for her and her child to get away from her useless baby daddy and controlling baby grandma and move back home with her parents in the interest of working towards becoming an strong, independent, self-sufficient woman able to support her child on her own. I can only hope she has followed through on the promise she made to her daughter and not allowed herself to remain stuck in the same dead-end situation, wasting her time getting into petty arguments with her mama's boy baby daddy over the most trivial occurrences. As the advice given to that OP applies to you as well, you would be well-served to take it to heart. You've already made one huge mistake by having a baby with a mama's boy who is apparently incapable of supporting himself let alone providing a home for his child; don't compound it by setting a terrible example for your daughter by allowing her to remain in an unhealthy, dysfunctional living situation.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 August 2015):
 I know you were expecting an apology, and gratefulness that you took the blame. He was nice to his mom but not you, not because you did anything wrong. His mom will always be there for him, accepting and supporting him but one day you might realize what a loser he is and leave him with child support that he can't afford. He feels bad that he can't afford a place for this new family and can't afford insurance. He can't step up to be a man. He may even wish to be single because even a decision to have dinner outside proved to be such a complication. He's not arguing with you. He wants space that he can't afford to have, as a father living in a house shared with you three. This is not about you vs his mom. He can't take anymore about the fact that he is helpless and constantly need other people bailing him out. It's about him. He's pushing you away because he feels so bad about himself that he can't face you, and the future responsibilities.
You are not mad about the parking incident anymore but now you are mad with his response and non response. It's not time to move out yet. Now you know that he can't take care of you. Maybe you need time for that to sink in. Then you decide if you want to break up for good or stick it out. Don't move out on a whim then ask to come back. The conversation that should be taking place is about future plans, because he's not going to stay for free at mom's forever. Overcrowdedness can cause stress and lack of sleep, making everyone cranky. At the 3rd year mark, there seems to be very little progress though.
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