A
female
age
51-59,
*azednconfused
writes:Hi, This is the first time I have written to one of these sites so here it goes. I am a 37 year old mother of 2 young children and I am at a loss. My husband of 6 years in July(known him for 9)lost his job a month ago and hasn't found another one or even really tried to find one. and now I am having to go to work yet again to keep my girls fed. He can't keep a job for more than 18 months in the 9 years that I have known him. And on top of all of that we sleep in separate beds because he is not at all attractive to me anymore. I actually have hatred towards him and I don't know what to do. Can anyone give me some advice? I don't know if I have enough strength to follow through with a divorce. please be discreet as he can access my email. Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Thank you for your advice, as for me talking to him, I have tried that over and over and over again to no avail. He gets mad and starts screaming and yelling and that is when I stop trying to help because my two young children are always within ear shot. He is very hard headed too. Pride has ALOT to do with it too and I understand that, I do but he has been talking about how life was before he met me so what am I suppose to think??
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): I am not sure if you want a male reply but here goes. I hat to say it, but I am old school about what being a man means, and to me, and many men it means this--putting food on the table and paying the bills. It really worries me that he cannot hold a job longer than 18 months...something is really wrong with that. I know guys who hated their jobs, but they stuck it out for 10, 20, 25 years and longer--why? Because they were duty bound to do so.
Now if the job losses were "not his fault" and by that I mean perhaps you live in an area of seasonal employment and the like, then maybe he deserves some slack. However, if he "loses" his job as in getting fired for the traditional reasons, then think hard about what you are facing. It gets worse as he gets older, not better.
Sorry to be so negative, but I know men who had a number of faults, but the types who never could hold a job never held on to their marriages. Men like to be the provider--if they don't, then something is wrong.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Hi there,
Oh dear, this really is a bit of a mess isnt it?
You have two problems, one being your husbands intransience and the other being you don't love him anymore.
Losing his job is bound to have an effect on him and make him difficult to be around. But if he is a difficult person anyway( and by the sounds of it he is ) then you obviously go through this scene more often than not. So there is little you can do if he is a bad employee. Only he can solve this.
And as for the lack of love. Has this been a recent event ( you not sharing a bed ) or has it gone on for a while?
If its been a while and is not directly related to him losing his job you should start to seek some advice about splitting up. If you don't love him anymore you really should go your seperate ways, staying together for the children is not a positive option. I have met so many people who are screwed up because they grew up in a househole where mummy and daddy didnt love each other. It affects their future relationships with members of the opposite sex as they have difficulty in trusting anybody.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Aeval +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Has he actually said he is not attracted to you anymore? Maybe he is feeling guilty because he can't provide for his family? Try not to have hatred it takes up too much energy and time. IF you don't love him anymore then I think the best thing to do is leave (its not good for children to be living in a home with that much anger and resentment). You will be suprised at the strenght you can muster when you need it.
IF you do Love him then may I suggest talking to him or maybe getting some professional help? Try to make a choice soon as you have two children who could be hurt. Ask yourself what type of example you want to set for them.
Best of luck I hope it works out for you!
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