A
female
age
36-40,
*prvedgrl
writes:Not even a week a ago I got out of a long relationship with someone who was using me for everything like money and sex it was a 9 year off and on relationship. He is the father of my seven year old and now my unbornchild. I know I am already over him.Now I am talking to a guy I know from another state. He is perfect for me and ive known him for three years just as a friend. so I want to have him and be in a relationship with only him, problem is after telling him that I am 14 weeks pregnant. He tells me he doesn't "think" if he is ready to be in a long distance relationship mind u he stays maybe 4 hours away. I'm in Houston and he's in Louisiana. I go there all the time and he sometimes could come to Houston. My question is how can I change his mind or is it because I'm expecting. He told me he always wanted to talk to me on this level. So I wonder how can I convince him. He also has a baby on the way with a off and on relationship and she is maybe a month ahead of me. He says they aren't together so I wonder how do I get the guy I want? Is it even maybe too soon. He asked me to be his boo thing so that I wouldn't have to sleep with nobody and worry about being hurt but that is hurting me from knowing I wouldn't be his "girlfriend" I'm not sure if he went that I would be the only one but why not girlfriend he says "I know you have needs" I need him!
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long distance, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (19 January 2013):
 I'm going to quote some clichés but only because they're all true for your situation: there are plenty more fish in the sea; don't settle for less than you deserve.
Take your time to get over your ex. Don't give yourself a hard time for the decisions you made regarding your ex, or the consequences. Learn and move on. That's the most important thing: to avoid making the same mistakes over and over.
You are blessed to be a mum. Enjoy your daughter and your baby when he/she comes along. Don't expose them to negative emotions and situations with unsuitable men.
Be content on your own for a while and you'll attract a much better quality of partner, not someone who'll think you will put up with any old shit.
Good luck & all the best.
A
female
reader, dprvedgrl +, writes (18 January 2013):
dprvedgrl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well yes, after reading all the responses I'm not interested sex, even turns me off, I give up. My ex even told me that I will never feel satisfied, he half assed at sex with me would, slow me to orgasm.I guess that's why I'm rushing. I never had a chance. Oh Well, second guy I lose because I got back with him. Thanks everyone, if I had no kids I would have been depressed.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (18 January 2013):
"I need him!" - no you don't, you need some time to get over your 9 year relationship. I don't believe you can be totally over your ex in the space of one week. Apart from anything else, you're expecting his baby.
Yes you do deserve to be treated right. And this new guy isn't offering that. He's offering casual sex, which isn't what you want. He's not perfect for you if he's not actually available for a proper relationship. You can't persuade him to change his mind. Sorry.
It is OK to be single for a while. In fact, I think it's the best thing for anyone coming out of a long term relationship, especially a dysfunctional one (as you describe here and in your answer to another post). What's the huge rush to be in another relationship?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): Honestly, this is just too much baggage for him. Why would he want to date a pregnant woman? He'd have deal deal with conversations on pain, birth, baby stuff, hospitals and then deal with you who will be heavily pregnant and unavailable for sex. Plus, the expense of having a woman with two kids.
Honestly, there is nothing here that indicates a strong possibility of a relationship. You two are long distance. His ex is pregnant. He just told you he doesn't want to date you.
There is nothing else you can do. Go through the pregnancy, focus for a few years on the kids and your life/career and then eventually be available for dating. You need to be more rational about this situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): I so strongly recommend you not try to be n an LDR with this guy...
4 hours is a bit much for regular visits.
In addition you are pregnant and that skews your thought processes.
you have a 7 yr old child and are NEWLY out of a volatile relationship. I would STRONGLY recommend being on your own for a bit and figuring out what you need.
LDRs are harder than local relationships... LDRs are harder with kids around and work and babies.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2013):
 Unlike R1, I don't think this is much complicated, at all.
In my opinion, neither of the guys you've described is really worth your attention... IF you consider that you have a 7 year-old and a soon-to-be child, both of who need their Mother's attention.....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 January 2013):
Unless you plan on moving there in the near future there's no point in initiating an LDR with anyone. That's the worst way to begin a relationship because you can't truly get to know someone from far away, even if you visit occasionally.
You'll only really get to know them after you move there, but by then it's too late because you've already packed up your bags and left everything to be with them.
My guess is that the reality of all of that and having a couple of babies in the picture got to him.
Instead of worrying about it you should take things very slow. Don't be his boo, don't be his girl, just be "whatever", let everything happen naturally instead of forcing things.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (18 January 2013):
 Wow that's complicated. Long distance relationships aren't really worth getting into unless you need to. If you want to move on and find someone else maybe someone nearer. You may have to wait till the baby comes along though, life is tough
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