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female
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anonymous
writes: I hope this question is allright for this site. My mom has dementia and alzheimers and it was decided that we should have a family conference to discuss her future. She was caught wandering the streets by the police and so we are probably going to put her in a home. My brother emailed me to tell me that my sister had asked him to fly to her part of the country to discuss mom's future. He said he expected me there and I emailed them back to say I would attend. My sister obviously did not want me there and she has just emailed me back to say that he has changed his booking to a weekend when she knows I have a family commitment and cannot make it. She seems fine with myself and my family visiting but there have been two previous situations when my brother has been visiting and she has STOPPED me from coming. This is crucial. I do not want to be left out of the discussions on my mothers future...I feel I have to be there. I could put my family situation on hold and just show up but what would that look like?How do I handle this??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): It sounds like Sister thinks she is the Mother and what she says goes...it sounds like both brother have enabled this behaviour and now it is out of control.
I hope it worked out Guy; let us know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): I am the poster of this question and really want to thank the people who took the time to answer my question...and answer it they did with sensitivity and insight. Thank you to all three of the people who responded. It helped!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): I say talk to your family and ask them for support and if they will forgive you this once if you could put this commitment off and be there this ONCE for the planning of your mother's future. Let them know how much it means to you and how adversarial your twit sister is being.
She should not have the power and say to prevent you and I can not believe you and your brother have tolerated this for this long.
This is you chance to be apart of this and I say seize it once you get the go.
If you are still unable, you will have to let this go. Tell you brother what you want and wish for your mother. Is there a way you can send someone on your behalf to respresent you and who will not be pushed around? Some one by proxy who can phone you and ask you what you wish to say?
I hope this works out.
Best of wishes.
P.S. Let us know how things go.
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female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 I would need to know why my sister was obstructing me attending as it is unclear if you have a big age difference, or if you have an otherwise reasonable relationship with your sister. If she is just obstructing you and no reason can be offered, then I am afraid I would not be manipulated in this way and would have to turn up. Does your brother not have any influence on knowing why your sister is acting this way? Could it be a money thing, is your sister after control that way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): Tell your sister that weekend is no good for you and that you and your brother had already discussed *all* of you being at the meeting already. Tell her that the plans need to be changed again so that everyone can attend. You should NOT be left out of these conversations under any circumstances(nor should any of your siblings).
Other personal differences, etc can be put on hold while you all determine your mother's future. That was a very selfish move to change the date so you could not attend. There is absolutly no reason for you all not to be there.
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