A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I dated for 9 months. About a month ago she called it quits and said with her schedule and schoolwork, she just can't handle having a b/f at this time. Her cheerleading and her schoolwork were overwhelming and having a b/f ( hundreds of miles away at a different college) was too difficult to manage. A week later we got to see each other for the first time in almost two months ( 1st time since break up) and we talked and she kissed me on the way out. The whole week we were back she kept texting/calling me and sent me a message about how she can't stop talking to me and how she still has feelings and the reason why we broke up was not b/c of the feelings going bad, it had everything to do with her not being able to 'handle' the situation. She even texted me how she still loved me that week. We talked about the situation after she sent the message and then she told me how she just couldn't handle a boyfriend and how all she had to offer was her friendship and that in time we'll figure this all out. We've talked only like 2 or 3 times over the past few weeks and she even called me to tell me that she was going to a dance with a guy and didn't want me to think she was dating other ppl if i came across pics of them on facebook. I said i don't mind because what control do i have anymore since we're apart? How do I interpret this and where do i go from here...btw we have planned to go out for coffee when she comes back for break in a week and also a night out for my birthday....any advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks a lot. I realize it's been a few weeks since I posted the question and I appreciate the answer. The relationship was serious and I know we are young but a future together was talked about. I saw her over our break and we went to Caribou and talked for an hour and then went our separate ways. She was flirty and talked to me and touched me like she normally would. A week later we got together. I hung out with her family then talked to her after. She told me she still loves me but can't have a boyfriend. The physical attraction is still there...so everything is there except her will to want to be with me. It's weird because although she does not want to be with me she does not want me to be with anyone else. She also told me to let her know if I start to see someone and let her know if I go on a date or something and that she'll be upset but will understand. After talking more she basically told me that she wants to try in the summer again and that the rest of the school year she knows she cant have a boyfriend. She still calls me almost every day to talk and the first few days after she went back to school she talked to me like she used to. Called me baby and told me randomly that she loved me. What do you think?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): Basically you have to think about what kind of future you would have with her. how serious is it? do you imagine marrying her? if you do and you really want to be with her than i think the relationship is worth pursuing and you should suggest getting back together. however, if you are not expecting that it wouldn't last that long anyways than it's probably best to leave it. i'm in a long distance relationship and i know thats it's really hard and you have to be commited. If she or you or both are sure that you don't want the relationship to continue than maybe you should not see each other for at least a few weeks because obviously the feelings are still there but it will just take a time to get over each other. at least this way it will end on good terms.
The initial thought of 'omg, i'm never going to see him again is quite upseting which is why she still wants to see you a bit, because she still likes you. shes doing what she thinks is best for her school work and stuff and you should respect that, however, obviously she still has feelings for you and finds them hard to keep to herself.
Also, when you do meet up make sure it's on neutral teritory e.g. in coffee shop and also it's probaly best not to end up somewhere alone together as this may make both of you more likely to express your feelings which would make it complicated.
Hope this helps
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