A
male
age
41-50,
*enverGuy
writes:I've been generally comfortable with my equipment most of my life. It's a good size and I enjoy using it. :-) Lately I've learned a few things that have caused some insecurity, so I'm doing some research to get at the truth.I'm dating women in their thirties now, who are experienced and more comfortable talking about these topics. I've heard from several in the last few years that average size is fine, and that length doesn't really matter, but that width is important, and that thick men are more stimulating. I want to learn if this is really true.I'm not thin, but unfortunately for me 2 of my last 3 girlfriends had dated thick men right before me. The 3rd had been with several thick men previously. My length is pretty good, over six inches, so longer than average I'm proud to say :-) My width is about average. I understand the average circumference is about 5-6 inches and mine is anywhere from 4.25 to 5.25 inches, depending on where you measure. Pretty normal.But I have never been very successful making women orgasm through penetration alone. I have deliberately learned a lot and am a master of other techniques, particularly oral. It's not difficult at all for me to make a woman come. Except with my penis.As an example, my current girlfriend says I am the most skilled man she's slept with. She says my oral sex is fantastic; she loves it. Her last boyfriend didn't go down on her at all. However, he was able to make her come from penetration, and I have not yet been able to do so for her. I asked her a lot about this because I yearn to be better at it. She finally explained that he was just really thick and it's a different feeling with a thick one. She says that if a guy is average, she generally doesn't come from penetration alone.Not to be defeated, I tried some new techniques, including ring vibrators (awesome!) and allowing her to masturbate herself while I penetrate. Those things work! She does come during sex now. (average guys -- write those two down).But it still bothers me to believe that width makes that much difference. For example, when I asked her if her prior boyfriend was as creative as I was with all these other techniques (yes I was probing for compliments :-), her reply was no, because he didn't need them.What are others' opinions on this? Is that true?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): OP, you're above average on both fronts. There is no point in worrying about your thickness just because she had thicker guys. If that mattered, every woman would be ruined once they had a big dick between their legs. I know some are, but they are VERY few. I think women like the uniqueness and total package of a man. Being a MAN has so much more to do with the whole package than the penis.
Be happy you're not a pencil dick. I'm blessed with above average girth, and even tho I know my girl has been with much bigger men, she loves sex with me more than them, and I'm thoroughly convinced of that. Confidence carries more sexual prowess than inches.
In addition, the majority of women do not have orgasms from penetration. If a women does orgasm from a thicker penis only, it is probably because there is more friction on the clitoris. If that's the case, you might be able to compensate by changing your angle of entry so it rubs her clit more, or teaching her to grind her clit against your pubis. I have had about 3 women who never came before cum from the grinding thing. In fact, about half the women I've been with never came before me. And I'm pretty good at smelling BS, so I'm pretty sure that's accurate.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Anon, I'm sorry if you took my earlier response wrong. I would never pick on a man because of his width. And I didn't pick on him here in this case either. Please allow me to explain myself.
Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I have never figured out why the length and width of a penis is so important to a man. I am not the type of person to get turned on simply by a guy disrobing and showing me his member. It doesn't occur to me to measure it, nor to judge him based on how thick it is.
During the act of sex, the first thought that goes through my mind isn't "Wow, he's a different width than my last sexual encounter". AS a woman, I say that guys focus on the wrong thing when it comes to insecurities about his sexual performance and penis size.
This guy who started this post greatly impressed me because from what he said, he really cares about his performance and has taken time to learn and hone the craft of lovemaking. His openmindedness to technique is truly admirable.
When it comes to sex, THAT is what impresses me. This is a guy who doesn't ever need to compare himself to his girl's ex. He's also not stopping to merely think "Am I thick enough?" I didn't pick on him!
Again, I apologize if my post offended you in any way. I didn't mean it to sound that way, and I didn't mean to make light of an insecurity.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): YouWish, would you have ever dreamed of sarcastically picking on a woman for saying she has insecurities about her breast size?
And you are a woman yourself. Think if a man was picking on a woman like that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): Moderator, this is meant in humor only.OP, You are asking the wrong people.Stop asking women!Women just don't know the answer to this question, and they are not supposed to know."Yes, width makes a big difference and length is irrelevent."Which is contradicted by..."width does not make any diffrence."Which is completely flummoxed by the other poster."Yea i was with a man that was ten inches long and his legnth was average."Jumping Jimminies! She must live in a very unusual part of the world, or one that has a population of only one extremely well hung guy who satisfies all the women on the island simultaneously.You see, women are only guessing at what makes it good, they don't know. It is our job as men to make sure that we don't let them know the hidden secrets of male love making.(only guys who have sex with guys know the truth and they won't tell any women the whole truth because of male bonding that is universal on this issue)So, back to women, and keeping them guessing, we do that by keeping all of us asking penis size questions, taking them to concerts and distracting them from sex, getting them intoxicated to have sex, and by making sure that we all have different sized penises, and different shaped bodies so they can't figure out why sex is better with one guy than another. "Was that his penis, his balls, or his baby toes that made that so good?"If they ask to many questions we make sure they get pregnant, which distracts them even more.If they ask even more, we divorce them, leave them with the kids, while we take up with a much younger woman.If they get to close to the truth, we pull out the big guns (pun intended), and we hammer them with the biggie....we take off with another man... Nothing like that to stop the questions.For the records, my penis is 16 inches long...or was that centimeters, I hate measuring in feet, it makes my penis smaller) or in millimeters (it confuses and scares the hell out of prospective sexual partners when you tell them your penis is 155 mm long and 125 mm in diameter.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 July 2011):
Hah! I was about to come in here and pick on you and tell you that I bring a tape measure to all my sexual encounters, but reading through your question, I am actually impressed with you!
GOOD FOR YOU that you invite extra help in pleasing a woman! Some women don't have an orgasm except through oral or vibrators or supplemental masturbation!
I tell you, without knowing about the rest of you, and sexually speaking, YOU'RE a keeper! Many men get insecure about adding tools to please their woman. They look at it as their being inadequate and thus refuse to even consider it.
Now, to get back to your initial question, it's not the width that matters, it's your angle and the angle of the woman who "receives" you, so to speak. It's also the rate of friction of your thrusts and the mindset of the woman wondering how long you'll last before letting herself go, for there is no worse feeling than being close to orgasm and then having your partner finish and go limp. Yuck!
As for her telling you that her ex "didn't need" those techniques, come on. I know it was a hit to your ego, but please, I ask, don't stop doing what you're doing. She doesn't sppreciate what she has.
As for you, don't ever compare yourself to an ex. That invites a possible bad answer, and you don't need to compare yourself anyways! If her ex was so much better than you, why isn't she with him?? She's with you now. You are the better man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011):
Don't worry about it. Whether it's true or not, you have what you have. Screaming into the wind won't make any difference.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Yea i was with a man that was ten inches long and his legnth was average. He was satisfying yes but mortly due to his skill at oral sex. My fiancee now is about 6 and half or 7 inches long and but he is wide and i can come from only penetration. Its just different. Idk if its better becuz my orgasms r stronger from oral sex and he never gives me oral. But i can at least cum from penetration where as i couldnt b4. So i think you should be proud of what you have and just try different things that she likes. I hope that helps
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2011):
 OY!
I am 51 I have had thick, thin, middle of the road, long short etc...
I just left a husband who was very thick but I still never orgasmed during intercourse... in fact I have only ever once done that.... it just does NOT happen... he was very talented with oral as well.... in fact the only man ever to make me cum that way...
my current partner is thin... and he does not do oral. I am very sexually satisfied with him as well.... in fact I prefer intercourse with him... a man that's too thick requires way more lubrication and I was starting to feel inadequate since I never appeared to be wet enough... I rarely even at 51 need lube with my current bf....
pencil thin is not good
baseball bat thick is not good
somewhere on the slim side of normal is what I prefer...
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (2 July 2011):
width does not make any diffrence. as for not making a woman orgasm with your penis through penetration is normal most women need there clitoris stimulated to orgasm. a lot of women will say they do not orgasm through penetration alone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Yes, width makes a big difference and length is irrelevent. She can do kegel exercises to make her muscles stronger so she can feel you more. She can also stick a pillow underneath her to elevate her hips and that can help.
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