A
male
age
51-59,
*istborn22
writes:Ok, so theres this girl, she 22 and im 41, huge age gap I know, but then again I dont look 41 more like 28 and I kinda act like im 28 to. And now it gets even stranger, her family and mine are very close, 30 years close, I didnt grow up with her but we did start to interact when she was about a senior in highschool,and even then I never even realy noticed her, though it was obvious she had a puppy dog crush on me.That all changed the summer she graduated, she filled out became a beautiful young woman, we became close friendship wise, I watched her go through a break-up with her first boyfriend and meet her present boyfriend, they have been going out for about 2 years and are making plans to move out togeather, they have been living with eachother at his mothers house.So whats the problem you ask? well I'm in serious lust with this girls body...hey! I'm being honest..But im way older than her, I'm realy good friends with her mother who is realy good friends with my mother..So I just dont go there.Ok so problem solved, right? not realy, it would be easier if the infatuation and sexual tension were just on my part but its mutual, all the signs are there, the body language, the eye contact ect, we do things togeather as friends..go out to eat, go to the movies, talk. This isnt all the time, it goes in spurts where I will see her only rarely for 3 or 4 months at a time.I guess I want to know what the hell is going on? is this an ego trip for her? does she enjoy tormenting me? I'm like a moth drawn to an open flame, nothing has ever happened, I dont believe anything is going to happen as far as this progressing sexualy, im not even sure that would be a good idea actualy.We are "friends" but I cant say I enjoy feeling sexualy frustrated, teased or played with. I feel you should put your money on the table or dont play at all.I look forward to your views, thank you.
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (10 August 2011):
I had a crush on a woman whom I was friends with and she had a boyfriend. One day after the pain reached an unbearable level, I came to her and told her that I could not hang out with her as friends anymore because of my crush on her, and I did not want to interfere with her relationship.
Really, if you like someone, are you going to try to tear them away from a relationship they are already in? Its just selfish to do that. And selfishness does not lead to good relationships.
Now, if she really is up to no good and deliberately flirting with you, you have to tell her that you don't like having your feelings toyed with.
Either way, respect the fact she is involved, don't torture yourself, and stop driving yourself crazy. You just have to stay away.
Eventually, you will be happier and respect yourself more. And I do say EVENTUALLY. You are of course going to feel some pain first.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): The age gap isn't that big. I've heard of 40 year age gaps in relationships!!!
Maybe you should decline her invitations to go out???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): I agree with the commentator below. She has not touched, kissed, or made sexual advances toward you. Your perception is most likely being warped by your own intentions and lust. If she wanted you, you wouldn't be on this forum, asking whether or not she likes to toy with you. Frankly I think you need to stop being an old pervert and keep your distance. Most young women do not like the advances of older men, unless they're looking for a sugar daddy to take care of them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): OP, I believe you're projecting. You admit you're lusting after this young woman, so you are specifically looking for any little thing that could be a sign. Now, let's look at some facts.
1. You're 41. You say you look like you're 28, and while you may act like it I'm sorry to say there's simply no way you look as young and youthful as you think you do.
2. This girl has a boyfriend, and it sounds like a pretty serious relationship. They've been together for two years and are making plans to move to their own place together.
3. Despite knowing her for quite a while, and experiencing the flirting, nothing has yet happened. If the two of you were going to hook up, it likely would have happened by now.
I'm sorry, but you are just a friend. Some people are naturally flirty, and this girl may enjoy an ego boost from you pining over her so she may act a certain way to get that attention. Neither of those two things mean she's actually interested.
I think you know that nothing will or can happen between the two of you, so you have to make a decision. Do you need to create some distance in order to protect yourself? Sure, you enjoy being around her. But if you start to go from lust to love, your heart will end up broken.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): She has a boyfriend,they live together - your 41 not 28, she may enjoy your company here n there, your a family friend.
If her boyfriend was bothered by your friendship I may think she was interested in a physical relationship with you - he would pick up vibes or clues. But as they are making plans for the future together I would say they are a happy young couple?
Forget her back off and focus on meeting other women - its just a crush on your part and best left alone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 August 2011):
 If she's a grown up and you're a grown up, you can have a grown up conversation.
"Hannah, I feel like this flirting thing we have going on is really not a good idea. It's giving me ideas and it's making me uncomfortable. Let's just tone it down and stick to normal chitchat and maintain the uncle/niece or brother/sister thing, okay?"
I have to say, though that your comment "all the signs are there, the body language, the eye contact ect, we do things togeather as friends..go out to eat, go to the movies, talk." doesn't jibe with "I cant say I enjoy feeling sexualy frustrated, teased or played with. I feel you should put your money on the table or dont play at all." Unless she's putting her hands on your genitals, some funny body postures, looking in your eyes and spending time with you doesn't mean she's asking you to jump her bones. I think you may be protesting a bit too much and have some wishful thinking going on.
If being around her bugs you so much, don't take her out on pseudo-dates, don't spend time alone with her and start to treat her with more formality. She'll get the message eventually.
Honestly, this sounds like you have a big old lust-thing going on and she's just being friendly. Distance yourself from the situation.
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