A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years, it hasn't been the easiest ride ever and has had it's abusive moments but not present anymore. we have 2 children together but there is a big question mark over the relatonship, on my part at least.About 2 years ago i was introduced to his friend and we get on like a house on fire. We have very similar interests and enjoy the same social actvities as each other, but a year ago i started to develop feelngs for him. At first i thought i was probably just havinga light crush, but a year on and these haven't gone away but have grown stronger.I dont know if feels the same as me as i havent been alone or had the courage to ask, but my gut feeling tells me he may feel an attraction too.Does this mean that my relationship has run it's course... as my feelings for my partner are no longer the same?Do you think i should talk to his friend alone? I feel so confused i dont know what to do!! please help!!
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female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 I wouldn't give so much credit to this crush. Especially since you haven't even figured out if anything would come of it, right now its just idle fantasy. A lot of people get crushes, even when they are in relationships, but not everyone concludes that it could mean the "relationship has run its course" like you have. What other factors might be contributing to you thinking this? Could this crush just be an excuse, or a way out? Are there real problems you and your partner could work on, that if they were fixed might make this crush seem more insignificant? Getting crushes on your partners friends is fairly common, I think. You already have something in common, and you don't have to work at having a certain level of familiarity. That doesn't mean he would really be so much better than your current guy though, you have to remember you have no idea what he would be like in a relationship with you. Try to remain grounded and focus on your current relationship, and think about what might be driving this crush to its level of importance. Good luck!
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Who would you miss more if they were no longer in your life? Your partner or his friend?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): dont talk to his friend, he may not feel the same and tell your partner.. and you have to think about the babies too.. however if there is no love towards your partner then it is not nice to be with him, but that may be because you are to busy thinking about his friend to take time and love him.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (20 April 2010):
 No don't talk to his friend you are still in a relationship with your boyfriend. You might feel that your relationship is dead and ran its course because you have your little head just spinning in circles going gaga for a CRUSH snap out of it. Don't ruin your relationship if there is no sparks left than seek counseling look for help before calling it quits. I'm amazed on how easy it is for a person to walk out on their spouse/partners for an infatuation, get real you have a family to think of. Good Luck hope you make the right decision.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Always end one relationship before you begin another. That is a very handy thing to remember. If you do not want to be with your current partner any more, but want to take the risk of finding someone better, then you have to leave him. Only after you are single can you pursue a new relationship with this friend. But in strict man code, his friend will never touch you out of respect for his friendship. However you are being unfair to your current partner because you are deceiving him. He thinks you love him which is not true, you love someone else. Can you go on with this for longer? What do you really think is fair to both yourself and your partner? You also have children involved, so it's not like you can just up and leave. This takes planning and consideration. Although after what it sounds like, you want to leave your parnter to try and pursue another relationship. Know that likely you can not go back. Know that even with this other man (if he is willing to have a relationship with you) you may find yourself inlove with yet another man later on. Noting is guaranteed. Maybe you will want to wiat it out another year, or to separate from your partner without going into another relationship right away. After a breakup it is important and necessary to have time on your own without a new lover or boyfriend right away. You need this to cut all the strings to your ex (naturally not cut all as you have children, but the emotional ones). Then maybe after all of this you can tell your feelings to this friend.
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