A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When your partner does something to hurt you, lets say emotionally cheats and even though he's sorry and you give him another chance, things will never really be the same again will they?? Does the trust ever come back... is it possible to forget the hurt that they caused you, any way at all that will just make you forget??. Coz if there is then that would be sooo fantastic.Deep down you never really forgive and spend the whole time wondering what you did to deserve this and how could someone who is supposed to love you do this to you. It has to mean that they dont really love you as much as they think they do dont you think??It just has to mean that you arent good enough for them. What can you do to prevent it happening again... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, whack hat  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 I am in the exact same position.
The feelings you describe and the doubts you have are in my mind constantly. My girlfriend (now of 2yrs) did something similar about 5 months ago. it broke my heart, i cried every day for weeks and it has driven me to depression and insomnia. No matter how much she says she was sorry for what happened and that she loves me it still haunts me a small part of everyday and some days, what she did torments to the point that I cant do anything but worry. The trust hasnt come back yet (its even harder because we are in a long distance relationship) and i dont know what to do. My doubts lead to arguments and more worries. I too feel like i am not good enough for her (i have no self esteem) and that it must be my fault for not being exactly what she wanted.
Just wanted to let u know that what u r feeling isnt rare and that there are people sharing your situation who dont have a clue what to do either! lol and if u need to talk about it i understand where u r coming from (or if u have any answers to our shared doubts! :-))
Keep your chin up and listen to what your heart tells u is the best thing to do. our gut instincts are rarely wrong (man, i should take my own advice lol)
A
male
reader, whack hat +, writes (22 March 2008):
I am in the exact same position.
The feelings you describe and the doubts you have are in my mind constantly. My girlfriend (now of 2yrs) did something similar about 5 months ago. it broke my heart, i cried every day for weeks and it has driven me to depression and insomnia. No matter how much she says she was sorry for what happened and that she loves me it still haunts me a small part of everyday and some days, what she did torments to the point that I cant do anything but worry. The trust hasnt come back yet (its even harder because we are in a long distance relationship) and i dont know what to do. My doubts lead to arguments and more worries. I too feel like i am not good enough for her (i have no self esteem) and that it must be my fault for not being exactly what she wanted.
Just wanted to let u know that what u r feeling isnt rare and that there are people sharing your situation who dont have a clue what to do either! lol and if u need to talk about it i understand where u r coming from (or if u have any answers to our shared doubts! :-))
Keep your chin up and listen to what your heart tells u is the best thing to do. our gut instincts are rarely wrong (man, i should take my own advice lol)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): Emotional cheating? Tell us what you mean. Discussing you with another female? Meeting secretly and you don't know what the extent was really but he tells you he wasn't physical? Can you believe? Let us know and I will try to answer better. I felt cheated by porn and it was like getting over multiple affairs because i felt that strongly about it. I think I have it sussed now though, by thinking a bit differently. Some men stare at other women to the point of ignoring their partners when they are out, which is another kind of infidelity. Oh the insensitive clodhoppers.
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A
female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle +, writes (18 March 2008):
I've also been in the exact same situation. Ok its fairly new for me (as in 2 months ago). Well what happened in my situation was I cried a LOT, I was with him. He explained (ok every badly), I had to get it all of my chest, I found it less upsetting to sent an email with all of my feelings on, and I had told him if he was actually serious about us then he had to actually prove it to me that he was. Afterall it was him in the wrong. Well I haven't gotten over it (far from it), its just something I have to live with, when I get upset I think about it and yes I do keep brining it up in conversation, just to remind him how much he hurt me, I dont bring it up for personal pleasures it's just the only way I can cope with it.
In your post you said he had emotionally cheated, the only thing you can think of is he didn't actually do it. OR think about your feelings can you handle it if he does it again?
I'm not saying get out now, but IF you did it would be a lot less painful to do it now, than in a few years when its happened again.
Hope you are ok x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): trust is given to another, so if they loose it there is nothing you can do. Just be brave enough to give it again to another. Don't make a link between people, he lost your trust, i didn't, neither did your next door neighbour, or your next guy.Good luck
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 Hi
I was i your situation. Personally mail me and i will let you know the whole situation and how we over came it. I had thought exaclty like that so dont worry there is hope for your relationship.
Regards
Sexi
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Oh Gosh, please don't say it's because you're not good enough, that's not true at all.
You haven't done anything to deserve being cheated on. Sadly, it's human nature to be deceptive about these things and to lie about them. It's absolutely nothing that you have done wrong, on the contrary this is something that your partner has done wrong, and something that should be making you ask 'is he now good enough for me?'
I hope you can work this out, you sound so nice. I know he has apologised, but if his emotional affair continues to make you feel low and bad about yourself, then you should leave him and move on.
Best of luck xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Hold on a bit. he's the one thats the cheat so it's him who ain't good enough for you. Good people treat people how they would expect to be treated themselves. You are young, get someone fresh and try again.
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