A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:Hi guys. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment, and I don't care too much whether I do or don't. But I have been thinking about something lately. I need to know how one finds the courage to face up to their fears?I lack motivation to leave the house sometimes, and it's weird because I once went to Chile on an exchange program. So in the past, I have not been afraid to move about.I don't know if agoraphobia is a health problem, or a psychological one. But my question is does the greatest happiness in life come through having a partner? Or are there better sources of happiness out there?Would I find happiness in joining a club? Or travelling? Or should I just do nothing? How does one find fun in life? Where does the greatest fun come from? And how can I overcome agoraphobia? All I do these days is watch movies or TV, and mess around on the computer. I gave up on playing the mandolin because I used to get nervous when I played in front of others.If I found a partner, would that solve all my unhappiness issues? Or are there other ways to enjoy life?Please explain. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (13 May 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your advice Cindy. It is a strange question that I have asked. I just thought I would change the focus of Dear Cupid a bit. Normally, people ask direct questions about love or problems with sex.
I am trying to get sex out of people's heads for five minutes. I believe the greatest happiness in life comes through having a nice pizza. But because of my Asperger's Syndrome, I would eat it alone.
Anyway, God bless you and you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 No,if you found a partner that would not necessarily solve all your unhappinees issues. There's planty of people who havea partner yet they are miserable.
Nothing outside of you can guarantee you lasting happiness- neither a lover nor a career nor a friend,-happiness only comes from within.
How do you find happiness within yourself ? That would be a long story- and boring for our readers. If you want to know my views on this subject, you can PM me.
Right now i?d like to give you 3 very practical suggestions :
1) agoraphobia can be overcome. You just need to consult a therapist like a lot of people has been telling you lately.
It won't go away by itself. You need help.
2) If you like playing your mandolin, play it for yourself. Don't play it to perform,or to be good at it, or to have "results ". Play it because you like it.
I was in acting school, and I was rather good, my teachers were happy with my performance. My school also had musical theatre classes, and I wanted to try, I had always been fascinated by Broadway stars. After a few weeks, I have been very diplomatically invited to withdraw - and encourage "to hone my craft " in what I had already shown a good measure of talent for. They were nice,but basically they meant "you are not good enough and you'll never be " and
that chilled my passion for singing . But recently I had a couple of times I had to join an amateur choir for raising funds- a very informal thing. And I had so much fun ! I felt so good ! So,I decided that soon I'll start taking singing classes- for myself. Because it makes ME happpy. I don't care if I am good or not.
3) You are looking for passion and motivation in your life,for something that will drag you out of your home.
This is an exercise suggest by writer JuliaCameron to
clear your mind, stop the "mind-chatter " and find your focus. It works.
Every day ,for at least 3 weeks, first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, the very first even before having breakfast or taking a shower etc., you set a timer at 20 minutes, take pen and paper and start to write about all that worries you. No punctuation, no corrections, just a stream of consciousness kind of thing - Like " I hate people and they are mean and I am bored and this and that ...". Never stop until the timer rings. Do NOT reread what you have written- you can burn the pages ( powerfully symbolic ) or just throw them away. You are getting rid of a lot of mental garbage this way and after a while you'll see more clarity emerging in you about what you really want,what you really need.
Take care.
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