A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I apologize that this is so long but I don't have anyone else to talk to and I really need some advice.I met this guy from an online dating site a couple weeks ago. It's not something I would ever imagine myself doing but I decided to give it a shot. We texted and emailed each other for about a week before we decided to meet in person, safely of course. So we meet up at a local coffee shop and there were a few sparks (whatever that means exactly). He wasn't as cute as the pictures I had seen (which I expected anyways) but he was a very sweet guy and we got along well. So we decide to meet again and just hang out casually at the mall. It turned out okay I guess, but I wasn't feeling the physical attraction to him all that much. He doesn't have the best fashion sense and sometimes can come across a tad strange, especially when he does this sort of nervous stuttering. But I'm not one to judge because I'm far from perfect myself and I still really liked his personality and I could tell that he really liked me. So when he asked to take me out for dinner I agreed, hoping that I would begin getting more comfortable around him. The dinner was fun, although awkward at times and I could tell he was really trying. He had nicer clothes on and was trying to be less nervous around me. I thought it was cute that he was trying to impress me and he just seems so genuine and kind and he makes me feel beautiful, even though I don't feel that I am at all. After dinner we went for a walk, holding hands,and talking. Suddenly he stops and kisses me. Naturally, I froze right up and it ended up being a terrible kiss. We kinda laughed it off and decided to try again. It still didn't go well and it honestly felt very weird. I ended up feeling completely turned off by the thought of kissing him again. Shortly after, he took me home and that was that.The thing is, this whole dating experience with a guy is completely new to me. I'm 22, and have never even kissed a man before. So I find that everything we do, whether it's holding hands, or kissing, it feels so strange and awkward. What I'm confused about is that sometimes I feel a bit physically attracted to this guy, and other times I really don't. For example, when we hung out at the mall I wasn't the least bit attracted. But when we went for the after-dinner walk, I was. He isn't a very attractive man, more of the nerdy type, but I really love the way he makes me feel and how great his personality is. So I don't know if this this strange and awkward feeling I get around him sometimes is due to the fact that I have no experience with this stuff, or if has something to do with me being not so attractive to him physically. I did admit to him later that I am new to this dating thing and he has told me he is willing to be patient and go slow and never pressure me (which I really do believe he means it). So should I continue to try and develop a relationship with this man? How can I overcome these feelings of awkwardness and fear of intimacy and just let my heart lead the way? Does any of what I'm feeling have to do with my lack of physical attraction?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): I think he sounds like a nice guy, and you do like him. So why not see where it goes? You're going slow so if it doesn't work out it won't be like you led him on. A lot of the awkwardness is because you've never done it before, and he is still a stranger. I'd just build your foundation with him and take it from there.
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