A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 years old, in the UK. Up until August 2006 I was in a relationship which I wasn't entirely happy with for various reasons. We have a daughter who is almost 2. After we split up, there was an initial struggle to get my name put onto our daughters birth certificate but then things seemed to be OK. The arrangement is that I have the little girl at weekends (Friday to Sunday night) due to the fact that I work all week. However over the last couple of days, because I've taken a couple of days off work to spend with friends who live a fair distance away, I've been getting text messages and phone calls suggesting that I don't care about my daughter. This is made even worse by the fact that my ex also has a child with another man, who she tells me contributes nothing financially and hasn't seen his daughter since last December.The fact that she seems to be comparing me to him, and giving me the impression that her and her friends gossip about me and have all come to the same conclusion that I don't care, this really hurts.Does the fact that I've taken a couple of days away from my job to spend with my friends rather than my daughter make me a bad father? As much as people assure me it doesn't, I don't think I believe them.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 March 2007):
 I think you sound like a good father. Sharing parenting after separation is always tricky and your ex is probably letting off steam. In seeing your friends, you are rebuilding your life outside the need for her and she might feel all sorts of emotions about that. Her opinion of you is not really important - if YOU know YOU are a good Dad then it counts for a lot. As long as you are consistent with your little girl in terms of what you offer her then she will grow up to know her father is a star.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (23 March 2007):
 Hi
I don’t think spending sometime with your friends should automatically make you a bad father. Maybe your ex frustrations being caused by the other child’s father its taking its toll on her. Just continue to be the best father you can be to your daughter maybe she felt like because you were able to take time out for your friends which you have never done for your daughter she thought its because your friends come first before your child I don’t think this should worry you because having spent time with your friends didn’t stop you from spending time with your daughter during that same week. Let her talk she will get over it. Its her problem not yours so let her be. Make it your problem only if she tries to stop you from seeing your child. Good luck
Jovial
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExactly what I needed to hear, thanks. My friends (one in particular) have already told me that, but I was confused and thought that she was just saying it to make me feel better. Now I know that even anonymous third parties think the same, it's a whole lot easier for me to believe her. Cheers :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): Listen, you have your daughter every weekend and you have fought to have that right. A lot of unmarried dads have not bothered to fight for their children..YOU HAVE!
It sounds like you are a top bloke and you need to think logically here. If you want to take midweek days off to do whatever you want, you can! You decide, not her. I take it youre still looking after your little girl at weekends?
It may be that her mum doesnt want you to go out and meet someone else. Let her gossip. Rise above it. Keep in contact with your mates. Theyre important and they will tell you the truth. Go out and have a good time. You deserve it. 2 year olds must be a handful. Have some well deserved time out!
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