A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a crisis state with my girlfriend (hopefully not soon-to-be-ex)our relationship was largely great. we had our issues, but whenever we fought we always worked through them in the end and would kiss and make up.last week we got into a huge, huge fight, over something actually trivial, one of us just got upset because things were going bad in general that day and it spiraled way, way out of control.she told me she had enough and couldn't take it anymore and that we were done. she gave all the classic breakup lines "I wish you the best", "you need someone better than me" and so on. i've been a wreck ever since.well a couple days ago she called a very close friend of mine and told her that she misses me terribly, my friend asked if there was any way we might be able to fix our relationship and try again. my gf says, "i really wish I could, but I just don't know if I can"my friend suggests just giving each other a little space - backing off, but not breaking up. my girl says, "would he go for that?" so my friend tells her she'll get back to her and asks me and I say, sure, that it might be the best way we can fix things.she called my girl back and told her that I was ok with it, and she said she doesn't want to break it off and wants to work it out, and that she'd call me tomorrow.even given all of this though I'm still in pain, because i feel like this is the beginning of the end, and that this is her somehow prolonging things to try to make it "easier" for me... on top of that, she's actually defriended and blocked me on facebook, which seems contrary to her desire to fix things...what can I do to try to fix this? is there anything I can do or say to her if/when she calls to let her know that I don't want to give up either and I want this to work? and that I'm willing to work together and try very hard to make it happen?I've dated before, but she's the first girl i've honestly felt I could spend my life with, i had already been starting to think of when to propose and all that. The things we fought about were usually very short-lived and would get resolved, so all in all I felt we had a good thing going, but this one particular fight, which really was not a fight between us but just both of us acting out on life's frustrations, broke us up. i actually don't even know exactly what state I'm in. am I single? am I still with her? I know she said she doesn't want to break up and wants to fix it but does that mean we are still together? does giving her space, or taking a "break", mean that we're single now?...i'm just so confused and worried and upset... i'm honestly even scared she might not even call me... I'm kind of a wreck...any soothing or helpful words, greatly appreciated..thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): OP here,
today she came up to me and said she doesn't want to end our relationship, and that she misses me terribly. We had a short talk and agreed to discuss everything at length next week. she hugged me and said "I love you" as we left.
she said she wants to take this weekend for some space and time to think, and I actually think it's a good idea and i'm going to spend some time thinking too about how and what we can do to fix this...
I do love her so much and I'm willing to take this journey with and for her to bring us back together...
i'm hoping all of this means we're going to be ok...
thanks aunts
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 October 2012):
 I know it's hard, but you need to sit on your hands for awhile on this one and let her have her space. You know she misses you, let her miss you. You have a much better shot at resolving this if you let her be alone for awhile and see that she misses you. I know that's the hardest thing to do, but I promise you that trying to contact her will do more harm than good.
She probably just needs some time to cool down after the fight. Try to sit tight. Keep yourself occupied and it will be easier. Go out with friends, go work out, go for a walk, do anything that isn't sitting around your house staring at your phone and computer.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2012):
 Couple of red flags here…
1. A trivial fight should not be enough to cause a break up.. if it did there are underlying issues that are not being addressed
2. Having a third party involved in your relationship that is not a professional (i.e. a friend) is never a good idea. If you two can’t communicate without a third party how will you fix things later on? Will you always need or want a friend to run interference?
You are correct this is the beginning of the end… she blocked you on facebook and possibly the phone and email… this “break” is the beginning of a break up… and NOT knowing where you stand sucks…
Now you ask “am I single?” why does that matter? Right now you are breaking up, that’s never easy… and you will need months to heal from losing what you thought was the love of your life… being single is the least of your worries…
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): I don't understand you. Aren't you the MAN in this relationship? Stop being a wimp. You're the man. She is suppose to emotionally break down not you. You are suppose to LEAD the relationship into marriage. That is the extent of our control in a relationship as men. If she doesn't want your leading. FINE. She is not the ONLY woman in the whole world. The more you wimper after her you lower yourself as a man in her eyes. Tell her if she doesn't want you to take the lead in her life, tell her she's free to go. By doing that you will know the true state of your relationship. If she doesn't want you she'll leave and you would've saved yourself alot of trouble. If she does want you then this should be a wake up call for her. In the end it is how serious you are with her and the relationship. otherwise you are just kidding yourself and are not ready to meet the needs of a woman.
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A
female
reader, iargwath  +, writes (18 October 2012):
 It sounds as though you are going through a relationship hiatus from what you are describing here. At this point, I wouldn't overly pester her about the status of your relationship, since that would only push her further away from you. The most important thing to focus on at this point is mending the problems which are causing your relationship with her to falter. Talk to her (not her friend) about how she is feeling - Be understanding and really listen to what she tells you. Space is one thing, but its what you do with that time which is most important. Best of luck!
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