A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'd love some advice, esp from male readers, about morning erections. Usually, when my bf of 6 months wakes up when I'm with him, he has an erection. But for the last 3 times we've woken up together, he's been soft, and we haven't had sex the night before either, which we usually would do. We're still emotionally close, hug lots, kiss lots, but the kisses are a little less steamy than they used to be. I'm a little worried that this indicates he is not as turned on by me as he used to be? Everything else in our relationship is great:) I haven't spoken to him about this, as I don't want to put any pressure on him, and because I am not hugely worried to the extent that it affects my behaviour or anything, but it is a niggling worry at the back of my mind that I want to sort out myself. On the other hand, he is changing jobs at the moment, and has some worries about his wages, and is also moving house...he talks to me about these concerns, and I listen and am trying to be as supportive as possible. I know this stress could affect his sex drive, but can stresses like these also affect morning erections? Or do you think he is going off me?Thanks for your comments. x
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male
reader, peterpablo  +, writes (1 March 2011):
I have lost them due to stressful situations in my life before, so if everything else is cool, i wteould'nt worry aboout it, Masturbate more!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 "life is full of ups and downs" lol, just saw that... nice one Annalisa
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): It's normal for women to feel like they're the cause of everything arousal-oriented in males. Fact is, stress is a HUGE libido killer, and can be for prolonged periods. Best way to get past it is time and lots of talking and understanding. Encourage him to vent. When the words are out, he may want to vent in a different way ;)I can almost guarantee it's stress related. The stress will pass, and so will the erection issues. Not all men are able to compartmentalize their problems and whip out a huge erection every time they see pussy. It just doesn't work like that. Let him know you know he is dealing with problems, ask how you can help, and let him guide it. Focus on the relationship, not the routine of sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): In my experience, morning wood (or lack thereof) has absolutely nothing to do with how attracted I am to my girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, decrepitCUPID +, writes (28 February 2011):
I wish this stereotype that men are simple horny things was really true, it would make things so much simpler. In reality, male arousal is as intricate as that of the female, with the added physiological complexity of having to produce a relatively large bone-hard structure using little more than flabby tissue and blood. This means that not only stress, but every other possible variable has an impact, from diet to emotions. It also means that reading this close into your boyfriends every bodily function is about as useful as him keeping track of how wet/tight/sweet/sour/cute/stinky you are relative the every other time he played with your cookie. As in "I wander why she doesn't feel as tight as she did yesterday, is it because she had 2 glasses of wine and her coochie muscles are relaxed, or because my big ass neighbor finally got to her while I was at work"..All joking aside tho, your position should be that of a mature, confident and sexual woman who is far beyond being spooked by natural ebb/flow of relationships, and for that matter life in general. This will not only make him more attracted to you as a source of sexual energy, confidence and calm, but also help to keep the daily stress out of your bedroom, not to mention stimulate your own confidence.Although it is possible that you are not able to keep him from being distracted (by other women or anything else), it is much more likely that he feels comfortable enough with you to allow him self to become overwhelmed with moving forward in life. As a good girlfriend it is your responsibility to make him snap out of it and live in the moment when he is with you, because one of these days, you will need him to do the same for you. Without this kind of mutual understanding and support, relationships don't live up to their potential.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Odds gives great advice. Im up on that too.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (28 February 2011):
Guys can be hard yet not turned on...
Guys can be turned on yet not hard...
When are you females gonna stop reading into erections like they're a crystal ball to a mans soul?
To reiterate odds, yes, stress can be a big factor.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Morning wood has nothing whatsoever to do with the girl in bed. Stress can affect sexual desire, though, which would explain the kisses and slowed sex life; stress can also affect the circadian rythym and hormone cycles, which would affect morning wood.
Try having more non-sexual physical contact during the day, such as hugging or kissing him when he first gets home, or for a few seconds before he goes to work. People seriously underestimate the benefits of non-sexual touch (sexual touch is even better, but people have that one figured out). Cuddle while watching TV, or exchange shoulder rubs while you cook. It'll decrease stress, and might turn you both on.
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