A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Six months ago I re-established contact with a girl who I had a thing for when we were young. She is in a relationship but unhappy. I was coming out of a break-up and she was a pillar of support for me when I needed it most. We'd text each other daily, at all hours just to talk. She'd tell me how unhappy she is in her relationship and I'd support her in the same way. We met up for drinks a few times and got along well. I was trying to move on and got into dating. All of a sudden she tells me we can't be friends because she's falling for me. I told her I felt the same, and that we can move on from this and still remain friends. You see, I didn't want to lose her friendship because she's an amazing woman and means a lot to me.All was fine until I had a date with a girl the following week. We texted before the date, and she remained supportive. I texted her again later and told her about how it went well and suddenly, again she told me that we can't be friends. She explained herself in numerous lengthy text messages telling me that she's sorry she has to cut contact, but it's for the best and she's become too emotionally attached to the friendship. She then told me she needs space because things are happening with her boyfriend, and she's really sorry. She doesn't want to lose my friendship because it means too much to her but she just needs a break. I respected that and told her I'm disappointed about it, but I'll be okay.The next day I noticed she removed me because she added me again on social media. I told her she didn't have to go that far just because she's upset. She told me she originally thought we should cut contact, but after thinking about things she realized she can't do that to me.A few days passed, and she texts me asking how I am. I didn't respond. I'm confused. First she says she wants space and now she texting me as if nothing happened. Why do women do this? Is a few days enough time to give someone space?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2017): The worst time to try and make a re-connection with someone you used to date; is when they're in the midst of troubles with their present relationship.
First-off, she had no business confiding her relationship issues with some guy who comes in out of the past. For six-months you've been absent.
Her couple's-issues are highly-emotional, personal, and not your business. Exes only fan the flames! She doesn't know what she's doing. Which means either of the two in their relationship can be susceptible to bad-judgement, and rebound-relationships. So old lovers out of the past become emotional-bandages to cover emotional-wounds; and/or to use as leverage when bargaining with your current boo, who isn't acting according to your wishes.
This is evidenced by the fact she's going back and forth, and changing her mind from one minute to the next. They're apparently playing mind-games with each other. Now you're in the mix.
Psychological-warfare may be at play, and you could get your face smashed for sticking your nose in his business. I don't care if you could take him on, you have no right to. She could be feeding you lies, and leading you on.
Feelings in these situations are too unstable, volatile, and conflicted. Your interference only added to their problems.
Telling you she cares so much was really to bait you in. Never inject yourself into a three-way drama in progress. You've caused enough trouble initiating contact, asking her out, and then picking sides in a situation you only know one-side of.
You're the shining knight who came to her rescue, but you only know her side of the story; which makes you nothing more than another complication in their troubled-relationship.
She has distinctly informed you that she's not looking for a friend. That means she's looking for a replacement for her boyfriend. Now she gives you drama to see if you'll bite.
You don't know if that is out of spite; or just a desperate girl who's just reaching out for a shoulder to cry on; and a temporary-backup until she mends things with her boyfriend.
Sex becomes medicine when women are in this vulnerable state of mind. Then it becomes big trouble when he finds out!
She so quickly and deeply falls for you, which is odd. Where were those feelings going before you recontacted her? Guys only reconnect with exes after a breakup for hookups. Not to make "friends." I don't know about the others, but I'm not that naive.
The minute you knew she had a boyfriend, no matter what condition the relationship was in; you were to offer your sympathies, wish her well, and show yourself out.
Neither you nor she can trust her feelings under the present circumstances. They're allover the place.
Keep your distance and leave well enough alone. You're just another problem to deal with. Let her pull her sh*t together first. If you have a handsome face, keep it that way.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 July 2017):
 She's keeping contact in case she needs you again in the future. You are the reason why she's having problems with her boyfriend and will probably be the reason you will be having problems with your new date. When you said you could both move on from this, I don't believe it. As long as you keep contact you would still have a thing for each other. You already said things (falling for each other) that changed the course of the friendship and it's too late to take it back. Tell her you want none of that wishy washyness. Either she breaks up with her boyfriend, and you forget about the new date, then go on to have a full relationship or you want nothing at all. That's what I would do because as long as you keep this friendship, no other relationship with other people would go smoothly. The only space I would give her is to figure this out, not to escape from the situation and find distractions.
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