A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi guys... Well, there's this girl. I see her almost every day at NA meetings. NA stands for Narcotics Anonymous. Yes, both of us are recovering addicts... We're doing really fine, she's been clean for a year and a half now and myself for about a little over a year... We became friends once we met at rehab and honestly it never changed, at least officially. But there was always something a little weird between us... It's like we often wanted to just jump into each other for comfort in a lot of ways. There also seems to be an attraction but as RECOVERING addicts, we tend to sway a bit from things that shine and warmth... So basically, at least from my side, I just though of it as the usual, common, mundane and natural attraction towards the opposite sex (speaking as a heterosexual)... Just a couple of months ago, I remember it way raining heavily, she knocked on my door soaking wet. As soon as I answered she leaned in and actually kissed me... A real kiss on the lips. I haven't felt that in years. It's not like I haven't been kissed in years but damn it, those damn opiates... They help you achieve this very peculiar warmth and the best way I can describe it is 'synthetic love'. For me, all the kisses, hugs and sex that I got during my addiction were fake, cold and completely devoid of love... But now that I'm clean and actually kissed by her, love is more real than ever! She seemed really weak and honestly the first thing that crossed my mind was that she actually had a relapse but that wasn't the case, we addicts just know. She pushed me in, closed the door behind her and slowly kissed me for a while. Honestly, it really felt like I was in heaven because I was really into her and liked her so damn much. At some point, I tried to stop her in hopes for a conversation but she didn't say anything... Instead, she started crying. She didn't want to do anything but hug... She was mute all night! I respectfully took her clothes off because they were soaking wet and helped her wear some of mine. Then she walked over to my room, got comfy in my bed and just stayed there quietly. She completely baffled me! I spend the night with her in an embrace and although she was squeezing all the air out of my lungs, I must say that it was the most beautiful night that I had in years... She actually slept but each time she opened her beautiful eyes and realized that she was in my arm and in my bed, she started to squeeze again. The next morning, she seemed 'normal' but she refused to say anything about the night before and to my surprise, things changed between us. She started my day with a soft kiss, cuddles and gave me the most beautiful smile that I've ever seen on a girl! After that event, our friendship grew immensely. We just couldn't stay away from each other. We both asked each other so many questions and talked a lot about ourselves. We even had sex on two occasions and it seemed like the world stopped spinning just for us! If you could just see the look in her eyes and the way she looked at me when we had sex... Heartbreaking! We were still friends as far as I know and things were getting better and better for us... Until one day, just last week, the whole scenario just repeated itself! She came at my place in the middle of a storm, soaking wet. I opened the door, she kissed me, closed the door, I tried to stop her, she started to cry, she hugged me and she didn't want to let go. Honestly, it seemed like a deja vu... She didn't say a god damn word! I took off her clothes again and helped her change. She went in my room, made herself comfortable in my bed and just waited for me... I wore my pjs and went beside her in bed and tried to start a conversation but she still didn't say a word! I gave up trying, she embraced me again and fell asleep... The next morning was one of the most painful I've ever had. She woke up, quickly got dressed and left without even saying goodbye! She haven't said a word to me again and she's ignoring my messages! As I hear, she's not talking much to anyone and she's not sharing in the meetings which is the worst thing she can do, she just sits quietly on the floor out of the circle and looks around... I called her mother the other day as well because things got unacceptable. There was something wrong with her as well. It seemed like she was scared to talk to me and then started crying which is weird because she likes me a lot... Honestly, I might have caused her to do so because I was a little angry but she was weird at first anyway... So I apologised and asked her about her daughter, mainly about her sobriety... She said she was making her piss in the cup daily since she switched off like that but she seems clean... Her mother seems to be worried about her too but honestly I'm worried about both! She then thanked me for my interest in her daughter and to push my button, she asked me if I'm her boyfriend! She also said that she had never seen her daughter happier than she did in the last two months... My obvious question for you guys, especially the girls, is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER!? Can you help me please? I don't know what to think any more! Is she a lesbian? ...no ...I mean! Pfff... Is she traumatized? Pregnant? Is it possible she seeing someone else? We're not together, she can do whatever the fuck she wants! But I love her! Damn I do! And I'm sure that we're in love! If that's not love, than what the hell is love? She whispered it in my ear, each night for two damn short months until we fell asleep! Do you guys think she needs my help? Is she in danger? She is so shy, fragile and she has this really tender soul, yet she's this little cute bookworm, so intelligent and bright... I honestly wonder how the hell she survived an ordeal as terrible as addiction! She seems terrified of something... She's behaving as if she's traumatized! Nearly catatonic... Please help me guys, this site already helped me much because I'm actually opening up and venting in this tiny little text window... If you're there and you're reading this, please say something! I don't have much friends, after my clean up I had to stay away from them because they still use... When she came to me, she had the ability put all my pains and sorrows on hold. But now that she's gone all that pain is leaking out and it's creeping all over me! Should I do something? What should I do? How should I approach her? Should I approach her? Should I give her space? I'm so lost right now! I have no idea how I could develop such feelings for another! I shouldn't have let myself fall in love in the first place... It's disgustingly painful!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 Honestly OP you wrote a beautiful post. But this girl sounds so lost and so confused. She is obviously fighting some sort off demons. From the sound off your post it seems that she is not ready for a relationship. She has a battle ahead off her and from time to time she lets her guard down and comes running to you. But it seems she beats herself for for letting her guard down around you. From your post it seems like she cannot control or handle her feelings. The best thing might be to give her space.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 November 2017):
 Find a mutual friend or at least a friend of hers who knows how she is and ask after her. Find out what is going on in her life. Then you will be better informed as how to act.
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