A
female
age
51-59,
*lufty
writes:Looking for honest comments from anyone especially if you’ve been through this.Until 6 weeks ago,All was really nice in my 3year relationship with my partner. We have lived together for 2 years. He moved over from his town to my after graduating as a mature student n we have been really happy in a loving bond. Recently I thought he as acting distant a bit n a bit snappier etc,I picked up similar vibes to those I had experienced when my ex partner who I was with for 20 years when it turned out he was cheating on me. I was intuitively out of sorts,I knew something was not right.i checked his phone while he was asleep n found a fb person I’d not heard of before as he normally keeps a select few fb friends. I followed the trail to beginning of chat n realised he had met her on badoo which is mainly a free dating site,the chat was a bit flirty then escalated into sexual mainly by him. I was horrified. He’s the least sex pesty,most honest n decent man I’d met in many years,it was surreal reading it,unbelievable actually,I never even catch him looking at other women normally even. When I confronted him,he was very shocked at first he,tried to pretend she was someone he knew from his past as a mate then admitted she was from Badoo,he said due to his house husband role by being unemployed for a while,after doing all the chores n long hours I was out he was going a bit stir crazy( all his friends in my city are my contacts he knows who we socialise with when we’re out together),I kinda understand wanting some chat with others when alone,but not on that site,where everyone he spoke to was a woman! He said he talked to a dozen women or so,asked why he fb one one of them,he said it was a silly moment of madness,got carried away on line as he knew he’d never meet up with her etc,he apologised profusely was upset n said he was rather disgusted with himself for it. There was also photos on his laptop I found of another woman that had been sent through that site to him..without sounding bitchy,neither of them were particularly attractive either,I don’t think I’m Miss World,but I get complimented a lot on my looks and moreover on my personality. He said he never met or intended to meet any which intuitively I believe mainly,but that’s not the point it’s the violation of trust with someone I thought i knew so well and believed in so much. He abs declares he loves me with his life n soul n not interested in another woman,focussing on his post grad course now so he can get a decent job role at the end of it so he can start paying for everything which is fairly soon....help ladies or guys out there,I love him dearly and have had a very happy relationship until just last few weeks ago.Thank you x
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2017):
 Do you want to be in a relationship where you need to always wonder what if and check up on his phone? You obviously had your doubts when you invaded his privacy.
Look I know personally I could never forgive this. He was chatting sexual to other women there is no excuse. Not only that but SAVED there photos on to his computer so he could look at them, so yes maybe you didn't think they looked attractive but he obviously does! Personally I couldn't forgive this because I would always be wondering if he is talking to women behind my back, trust is a fragile then once it is broken.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): I kno badoo well ..but if I found a partner had been on there it would be the end .. sexual chat is a former of cheating in my eyes but if you can get over it all good but what if he gets bored again ?? Also photos of another woman so twice he 'cheated' if you can move on that's OK but don't waste your life on a relationship without trust .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2017): Well this one seems pretty simple really . Do you want to be with a man who's interested in other women ? Yes or no ? If the answer is no then you have your answer
You know for a FACT that he IS interested in other women and no excuses in the world will cover that fact up . You can live in denial or accept it and stay with someone who wants more than you
Personally I need a man who's happy with just me and if be packing his bags
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2017): I can't say anything in favor of you staying with him, unless you want to be with someone whom you cannot trust. Let's skip the fact that you went behind his back and checked his phone (do you really want to be that person?).Hadn't he been caught he would carry on and possibly move from the virtual reality realm, to reality.Him feeling lonely, because he left his friends and social life behind, has nothing to do with him roaming the dating sites. Why didn't he chat with his friends instead of unknown women? Why didn't he tell you something? Problem with internet is that everything is so easy to find and nothing feels real, so people tend to diminish their responsibility. He chatted (flirted) and exchanged pictures with some women, it's not like he carried on with your neighbor, sister or a friend, right? - this kind of thinking is common both in people who (cyber-) cheat and their partners who look for reasons not to break up with them.One other thing, even when caught he's first reaction was to LIE to you about it. So, he was lying for weeks (maybe months) and then he went on on lied once again to your face. Just how stupid (or emotionally dependent) does he think you are?He didn't lie to protect you, he lied to protect himself. He's unemployed, living off of you (has this been the case for the whole 2 years?), while he's supposedly working on his post-grad. Focused on his degree, you say... does this include dating sites?I'm not saying he's a bad man, but he's acting like a child and you are not his partner, he made you into his parent. You take care of his needs and he's free to go out and play (for now on the internet).Do you deserve this? Are you ready to live with a cheater once again? Besides, his behavior changed towards you. That says a lot. This online thing with women has something to do with him not being happy with you and your relationship. I'm not saying you're the problem, but he wants something else as well. Maybe he's just being immature - have his cake and eat it too? or he really wants out. Whatever it is, do you really want to stick around and find out and be a supporting role in your own life?
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