A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey guys i need some advise. me and my ex broke up about a month ago a 6 month relationship. she went back to the guy before me. she said she was sorry but i dont care what she says. shes done this a couple times the guy is a jerk but im not here to beg her back. my question is does she love me still. we were engaged but this happnd so i dont know. ive talked to her since and she gets emotional when im apart of a conversation. she gets mad often when im out with my friends she happens to be there. since my friend is dating her niece. so i stoped going out with them to imply nc rule. ive been told she asked how am i doing ami ok. to be honest i am but my im emotional messed up random moments of anger every now and then. why does she go back to a guy she left for a reason he treats her like a dog and she seems to enjoy it as you can tell. she told me she loved me more than life itself but she showed it right NOT. why does she ask about me then when she sees me she turns into a bitch. i dont understand woman so explain if you can thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2013):
 Ok so she is an ex-gf of about 6 months. She went back to her ex-bf from before you and she had done it a few times during the clearly tumultuous relationship you guys had.
You ask: does he love you still. To be honest, I do not think she loves you still and I’m not sure that she ever loved you. Cold and hard but true.
You say you were engaged. Did she have a ring? Was there a formal proposal and a date set? You seem awfully young to be that serious with a girl that was back and forth with you during the entire relationship.
ASKING if you are ok does not mean she wants you back. It does not mean she cares about you. It means she’s a human being who can wonder if her ex is ok. I wonder about my ex-husband. I do not want him back in any way shape or form but when I see him, I’m civil and if I see mutual friends I may ask how he is. They don’t run back and tattle to him that I asked about him trying to stir up drama. They say “oh we see him a few weeks ago and he’s fine” and I say “good to hear” and then we say “so what do you want to eat” it’s just casual conversation without any hidden meaning. The only reason you care and wonder is because while you SAY you won’t ‘beg her back” you would jump at the chance if she asked you. YOU still care too much about her to be healed from the relationship.
Why does she go back to a guy she left for a reason… because she’s not done with him. WHY do you CARE about a girl that mistreated you? BECAUSE you are NOT done with her. NOT in your head anyway. ONCE you actually let her go, you will no longer care. Because the opposite of love is not hate or anger it’s ambivalence and indifference.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2013):
 OP, I can offer you my guess in a few seconds, but first, let me warn you : this is just the type of idle, pointless questions that have no practical utility, will keep you stuck in longing and pining , and will prevent you from moving on.
The only correct answer to this question , would be " WHO CARES" You need to aim to a serene, benevolent indifference . She dances naked in the streets? cool, who cares. She sends you 100 roses for your birthday ? Ditto.
It's not what she does or wants or thinks that counts, it 's what you do , want or think. Do you want to move on ? Are you convinced that you are broken up and there's no going back ? Fine, then move forward. The more you waste time tryng to decode the hows and whys , the more is like you are still in the relationship, and let her have power over you, your feelings and moods. I am not saying that moving on is easy- but the first step is stopping tryng to find out " the truth ". " The truth " des not concern you, if she loves you- too bad for her, she made the wrong choice and now it's too late.
Anyway, here it is my guess, I don't think this has got anything to do with love. If she loved you- she'd be still with you and not with the bad guy, simple isn't it ? . But, it has a lot to do with ego . She knew/knows that she is/was important to you, that you cared a lot about her etc., and this is a nice feeling, it makes people feel special. ( It feels even better if currently they are in a not too good relationship ). People like to be remembered, to be missed, to be longed for. So, it's undarstandable , although not commendable, that when someone breaks up she/he gets miffed and sort of disappointed when the other person moves on, and even more if the other person moves on fast. We don't want to make them jealous or miserable forever, no,... but we don't even want to see them perfectly blissfully happy without us in a short time :). So maybe she is checking on you to know if you are still sort of hooked on her, that gratifies her a bit. She dos not want you, but does not want you to not want her...
Anyway, that's just a possibility based on general observation , she may have all different reasons. What stays the same, is that you must learn to say : who cares !
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