A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, one of my best friends has changed a lot lately. She's a little over weight and she always complains and makes comments about it, even though she does nothing to change it. She also puts down the way she looks and tells me how depressed she is, and I've done the best i can to be there for her.. But it's been getting to me lately, i get a fair bit of guy attention, but i never have boyfriends or hook-ups or anything, and yet every time a guy even likes me she gets really angry and upset and blames it on me. She tells me how perfect my life is, even though my dad died a few months ago, and my uncle died a few weeks ago, she doesn't care about any of that.Now I've stuck by her, because i know how depression is, but she's been judging people so much recently, calling perfectly pretty girls ugly, and when a guy doesn't like her back she's actually shocked. So, is she faking when she says she hates herself? does she just want attention? all she wants to talk about is herself.. as soon as i mention me it's "blah blah, whatever" What do i do? :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I agree with xanthic- it's all about attention. All of my ex-friends (Note: I said "ex-friends") were like this. When she complains about guys not liking her, how depressed she is, etc. it all draws the attention to HER. She is jealous and blames you, though it is because of her low self-esteem that she says these things and is like this. It is NOT your fault in any way. Do try and distance yourself from her. When you are around her, don't respond to comments just change the topic. Also try to hang around other friends who lift you up and are there to support you when you need someone; spend less time around this friend. I'm sorry about your dad and your uncle. Hang in there sweetie!
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I don't think she's faking it. However, not everyone suffering from depression or low self-esteem will broadcast it in the way she does. She sounds like the type that thrives on getting sympathy, and although you're trying to be a good friend, feeding her need to be pitied is only going to make her worse.
I've had several friends like this, and the one thing that always works is distance. When she starts complaining about herself and others' happiness, don't even acknowledge it. Change the subject if you have to. If she starts blaming you for ridiculous things, don't even pay attention to it.
Put some distance between her and yourself during the times she's worst, and with any luck she'll eventually learn her poor attitude is what's pushing you away. If she has any interest in keeping her friends, this should work. If not, it's not much of a loss for you anyway, is it?
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