A
female
age
26-29,
*upcakeex3fycp
writes:i'm 14, i have a boyfriend only a year older. he's not like any other guy when he's with me, he's the badass' kid but with me he shows emotion. we've been dating almost 4 months. he gives me advice, and really great advice at at that. he helps me out all the time and actually apologizes whenever he's he feels he disrespected me. this question is about sex. the last couple of weeks i've been having urges if you know what i mean ;) i'm a virgin but he isn't. he said if i wasn't ready he wouldn't rush me or anything and he said when i felt i was ready he was okay with it. shortly after i told him i thought i was ready, we both told each other we were in love with each other. i do feel that, and he told me he honestly feels that too. i'm just wondering, does it actually hurt like people say it does?! btw, i use tampons and it doesn't hurt one bit so does that mean when i have sex it won't hurt as bad? btw, please don't tell me not to have sex. i'm pretty mature for my age and so is he. we know what we're doing and all the risks and responsibilities we may have for our actions. thankss :D ;*
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female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (23 July 2010):
So yeah sex can hurt in more than one way1) breaking your hymen could hurt because a hard penis is a whole lot BIGGER than a tampon. ow2) he could land in jail. ouch.3) you could die from an STD or have to deal with a super gross one that won't kill you. Damn, there goes your sex life4) you could end up pregnant. you have an abortion (traumatic) or have to shove something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon. that will hurt. A lot.5) at 14, 99.99% chance you won't marry him and therefore could end up very emotionally traumatised6) you could end up getting a bad reputation that you don't deserve. emotionally very painful.His thing will be a whole lot thicker than a tampon. It will most probably hurt especially as you are so young. Check out the laws in your area, most places if you're under 16 and you and your boyfriend have sex, regardless of his age, he can be chucked in jail for statutory rape. And it will be because of you. Be careful...He only started telling you he loved after you said he could get in your pants... Seriously? Hun... Something is wrong with this picture. And 4 months? honestly, at 14? listen to yourself... the whole situation sounds dodgey.If you want to experiment try stuff that's a bit safer like hand-jobs.And for goodness sakes use more than one form of protection. And nothing is 100% safe. condoms break, the pill is very finickey and easy to get wrong. and hey, you can get STIs/STDs in your mouth. Especially if he's not a virgin. Newsflash: some STDs/STIs can KILL YOU. yes, thats right. Is that a conversation you wanna have with your mom?And its really easy to get pregnant. Pulling out won't work as there is sperm in the pre-cum.Get know his anatomy first with hand-jobs and understand how it works. Do research.Don't do it. Experiment in other ways. I can decide for you and we can't make you do what we say... But what ever you do decide, for goodness sakes, be safe. Get tested and use protection.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (23 July 2010):
If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are not ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice, but it's only around 20% or less who say it was anything like a "bloody mess".
At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month.
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
(There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]. Maybe somebody saw it and saved a copy, and can repost it.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): Sex breaks something (hymen) it's a small, thin, membrane of skin inside your vagina (about 4-5 inches deep inside) and when you have sex it breaks and "pops your cherry" that's why it bleeds and mostly why it hurts and you're sore. The amount of pain however varies. I've heard of people who were sore for about a week after, and during sex it hurt REALLY bad, and of some people who just bled a little, but otherwise were perfectly fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): First of all... At the age of 14? Condoms and the pill don't always work, hun. You think you can take care of a baby at the age of 14? Without putting the child on to your parents? 7 hours in school with - possibly - just a part-time job (rare at your age), and you can buy diapers and clothing and food and little toys and all that jazz with your OWN money? Guess what? You can't. I got pregnant at 14, and I was on the pill and I used a condom. And you know what? I lost my kid because I couldn't care for it and my parents, rightfully so, refused to help me.
And let's say you didn't get pregnant. Can you deal with the fact that you lost your virginity? Oh, and what if this guy who you're so in love with ends up leaving? Lots of guys that age say "oh, I'll stay with you even if we have a child" just to get in your pants. Maturity isn't just based on good traits: it's based on how awful your bad traits are. Obviously, if he's not a virgin at that age, he didn't feel like staying with the previous girl. Maybe she was crazy? But isn't that just his point of view? Who knows? Maybe he'll think you're crazy after you're done.
Oh, and yes - your first time WILL hurt.
Oh, and since he's had sex before, I suggest he get checked out and make sure you guys don't get any STD's or AIDS.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): Yes, it hurts, and it varies from person to person. There's no telling how much you will hurt until it happens. And tampons? Lol compare the size of a tampon to the size of a penis, big difference(well, in your case i hopeXP)
BE SAFE. Don't use two condoms, I know people say that works, it doesn't that actually makes it more likely to break. (I just thought that needed to be said)
Make sure the rubber fits him properly, and stay relaxed it'll make it not hurt as much.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, lilmisfit +, writes (23 July 2010):
 well im 19 and lost my virginity at 16yrs old it did not hurt and i didnt bleed it jus felt like a little pressure but it is different for everyone and i guess it depends on your body jus make sure you take your time and see what feels right even tho i dont approve of young people having sex please use protection and be safe
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A
female
reader, lilmisfit +, writes (23 July 2010):
well im 19 and lost my virginity at 16yrs old it did not hurt and i didnt bleed it jus felt like a little pressure but it is different for everyone and i guess it depends on your body jus make sure you take your time and see what feels right even tho i dont approve of young people having sex please use protection and be safe
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): when i had sex for the first time it didnt hurt me at all but everyones different but my advice to you is use protection
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A
female
reader, Over..worried.  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Well .... It didn't for me but it was probably because for 4 months before that we did partake in Oral Sex .... THAT hurt at first ...... then when the time came when we did have sex, it didn't hurt all the much. I was sore a little bit afterwards but it wasn't the "days of pain" a lot of people told me I would feel.
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