A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:I got out of a real nasty relationship one year ago and have not had sex since then. He was my first, and i am 25 i was with him for five years. My question is this::Im not super experienced in bed, and do guys find that as a turn off? I mean I HAVE THE LOOK OF A PORNSTAR people say i look super pretty but i find that I am sometimes insecure in bed.(i am open to all sexual acts, and have done them with my ex) but im nervous stepping into something newI love older mature geeky guys, but I always worry that theyd want someone that has had more than one partner? Lately i have been watching a lot of porn and I love watching the wild passionate scenes but i worry i cant act as good as them..Do guys like a smart good looking girl who values a relationship before sex, i mean doesnt jump into it, and maybe isnt that great as a pornstar.. I know its silly i mean i have a masters degree and am 25 but have only been with one man.. it rises some insecurities..Does performance matter alot even if you are open to most sexual actts?sorry i would love your opinion, lately i have been so infatuated with men in their thirties but i am so scared that i might not measure up..even though i look good... i
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insecure, my ex, porn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (17 May 2011):
 @Cerberus That was not a serious statement (re: just lying there). That why it was followed by "seriously, though...". My apologies if that wasn't clear.
A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (17 May 2011):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys thank you so much for the responses ..
yeas it was a serious question i am not being sarcastic, i was just insecure in the sense of perfoirmance because even though i have the eduaction and looks, i thought men wanted someone more experienced. Its good to hear that they want someone open minded but not as experiencedd. i mean I value sex and I dont just have it with everyone, im glad to hear that older men or even some young ones my ages dont weigh so much into performance
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): Wow, I can't believe you are being honest with this question. Is it meant to be sarcastic? You are a dream come true to many men. A smart hottie with few past partners? Look for someone you love and the performance won't matter, it will come naturally. I've had a few one nighters recently. I can tell you that one of them was with a woman who looked way better than any porn star and was REALLY good in bed. But when she left I felt empty. She is an old friend and a great person - no love, no fun. I don't think either of us really cared if it happened again. The sex is way better when you get chemistry brewing, then you won't have to worry about the rest. Just relax and find yourself someone who is worthy of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): We're usually too busy worrying about our performance to care what you're doing in the beginning.
It can take a little while to adjust to a new person sexually anyway. The only thing you have to worry about is ensuring you're enjoying it. I mean really enjoying, not faking or putting on a show.
I don't know which guys Gabrielle is talking about but no guy I know wants a girl who just lies there. Sex is a mutual act, we just want the women we are with to get off but to enjoy our bodies too.
As for porn that's a waste of time. Looking at porn and thinking that's how sex should be is like watching Rambo and thinking that the best way to light a cigarette is from a burning corpse. You know? It's acting, it's exaggerated and frankly most of it is more comical than it is sexy.
Don't worry about performance, especially not when related to porn. Porn is not reality and to be honest if you meet a guy that demands you act like a porn star all the time then you've met the wrong guy. The best kind of sex is always varied, sometimes you're in the mood for a long love making session, other times you just want to have a quick wild romp. The most important thing is that you live in that moment, you be you and you don't try and put on some kind of porn star performance. There's nothing worse than a girl who fakes it or exaggerates everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011):
Go ask the next 20 guys you meet whether they would prefer that their GF had fewer past sex partners or more. You will hear the same answer from all of them.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 You're smart, you should know the answer to this question. I think you're relying too much on your looks instead of valuing your own intellect. Sex between two people isn't about looks, it isn't about porn, and it isn't about how many partners you've had, and it isn't about performance. Sex between two people is about connection, love, respect, pleasure and desire.
If you got all of that, then it's all good. Don't think about the rest, don't make your sex and love life into a porn movie up for ratings. It isn't something you should judge on a scale, it's something private, personal, and between you and the guy you choose to share it with.
Figure out what matters to you, and find a man/boyfriend who shares the same values. If a guy wants someone super experienced he can use for sex and doesn't want a relationship: well then clearly he's not the guy for you! So let him pass you by and look for someone else, someone YOU want. Don't try to make yourself something you aren't.
And don't compare yourself to a porn star please. You're objectifying yourself in a way through this it seems. You're too smart to be just a sex-toy. You're way more than that.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (16 May 2011):
Actually a lot of men would just be happy to have you lie there, I think. Seriously though - you seem to be open-minded, so I'm sure you're not exactly a cold fish in bed.
Don't watch too much porn and compare yourself to the women there. They do what they do because porn producers revel in making porn that they think the viewers want (in the absence of market surveys this often tends to be flawed). It's neither wanted nor expected by many guys, though if you're limber and open to trying different things, over the period of time it takes to form a relationship, you and your partner may try everything you enjoy watching.
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